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marsprincess889 · 1 day ago

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Yoni animal observations

I did something similar with nakshatras. This is them in a very simple way. This is based on traditional associations as well as my own observations of real life and art. 💕 The word "yoni", as well as meaning the female reproductive organ, also means "origin". Yoni animal represents the instinct of the nakshatra and ultimately, reveals its true core nature.

Also, disclaimer: it's very sad that I have to say this, and apologies if you're not one of those people, but if you're going to correct anything in this post by writing one or more long paragraphs of why you think I'm wrong, you might as well just start your own blog or make your own post about the subject. I've been observing yoni animals for years and I'm kind of sorry if any of this offends you, but I'm not trying to attack anyone personally, or even a specific placement (nakshatras in this case), cause that's just dumb. Of course, everyone is free to express their opinions but please do it politely and have some respect for the person who took their time to gain and share knowledge. It's very easy to correct others, it's very hard to be faultless yourself. So, factual corrections are always welcome(say someone got someone's chart placement wrong, or they have written a factually incorrect association, like if they were to write that Jyeshta is fierce as opposed to sharp/cruel in nature.), but, once again, everyone's view is different and so either respect mine or don't write anything at all.

With that being said, you can now enjoy this post💕

Horse yonis

Ashwini and Shatabhisha

Keywords: activity, simplicity, masculinity(solar/yang), independence, healing.

Straightforward people. They might tend to have black and white thinking, can be very blunt with their delivery and definitely prone to "deafness": not hearing others' views. Simple and utilitarian, goal-oriented. Their presence might not be really noticed until the moment they suddenly speak up about or act on something. Love to point stuff out. Either quiet or very precise while speaking. Not aggressive but can be combative. Most likely will oppose someone before making peace. Independence>sharing. Don't like anything "unnecessary", love to get to the point.

Elephant yonis

Bharani and Revati

Keywords: slow, authority, time, timelessness, strength, transitions, protection, completion, gentleness, complexity, depth.

Not revealing their innermost selves, only revealing it to a select group of people, if to anyone. They attach meaning to things based on their experiences. Protective and gentle with each other, closed off to most of the others. Very private. Not really concerned with trends. Observant but not quick to act. Can have many sides to them that some others might fail to understand. Have an air of wisdom, but not that of arrogance. Still, they are the most likely to knowingly take the high road but still protect their peace, making them very exclusive, although it's never for show. Defensive but quietly so. Accomodating to some degree on the outside, there's always more to them than what's obvious. See the bigger picture in every situation. They have a certain quiet strength and power. Nurture is important to them. Do not appreciate unnecessary aggression and try to dominate over anything they consider harsh/crude.

Sheep yonis

Krittika and Pushya

Keywords: precision, structure, minimalism, choosiness, contained.

Do not like excess in anything. They have a sense of balance, usually in almost everything. Prioritize sctructure and basics/essentials. Like clarity and clear-cut lines in their lives and around them. Can be snappy, but in a passive-aggressive way. Not harsh in a heavy/overwhelming way but still harsh about details. Have a soft demeanor with strangers and acquaintances, sometimes even people close to them in everyday life but can judge them quietly. Neutral to friendly on the outside, but if they have uncomfortable emotions they try hard to release them quietly/without much fuss. Might bottle up resentment in result. Very utilitarian and practical.

Snake yonis

Rohini and Mrigashira

Keywords: enjoyment, ease, materialism, basic awareness, growth, progress, sensory indulgence, instincts.

Very placid and calm. They focus mainly on material things but can live without luxuries, and can also share them, although privacy is very important to them. Very aware of their surroundings and their own presence. Attuned to their senses. Can get easily attached to people and things. Can exhibit selfish tendencies(or that's how it looks to others) when they feel like their desires are ignored, but Rohini and Mrigashira each do it differently.

Dog yonis

Ardra and Mula

Keywords: upheaval, critical point, rebelling, release, change, anchoring.

Tense but not frail. Might look tortured sometimes. Do not like to and probably even cannot focus on details, at least not how it's traditionally done(different to each situation). Like to display their individuality in one way or another. Dark humor or sassy comebacks. Either quiet or very loud, but either way, opinionated. If they're neutral then they're opinionated about being neutral. Can be kind of nihilistic but at peace with it. Contrarian and unapologetic. If they don't care about something you can't make them care. If they do care, they care intensely.

Cat yonis

Punarvasu and Ashlesha

Keywords: accumulation, buildup, purity, safety, protection, preservation, cycles.

Concerned with what influences them, not so much what they put out. Self-focused but also highly aware of others' needs. Can adapt to surroundings and can change their behavior based on what they need or really want. Not unkind but laser-focused on the boundaries. Always keep their cards close to their chest, not out of malice but simply to preserve their safety. Look more unnaproachable than they really are, and know more than they share with most.

Rat yonis

Magha and Purva Phalguni

Keywords: dispersion, creativity, planting seeds, the self.

Can be egocentric. Prideful and nonchalant. Love to show off. Might be aware of surroundings to some degree but even if they are, they rarely care. Getting what they want is the priority, along with self-expression. Not very moralistic, don't care much about labels. Sometimes they can be too detached. Will almost never catch them crying in front of others, although they can be dramatic if they want and can, without a problem, attract their dwsired attention. Their happiness is more warm and generous than loud and euphoric. Might have a poker face, they rarely show strong emotions. The strongest emotion I've seen them express is that of defensiveness, and that's not even an emotion. When they get defensive it's almost always because something has touched their pride or triggered their ego. Focused on what they can do.

Cow yonis

Uttara Phalguni and Uttara Bhadrapada

Keywords: stability, the long-term results, natural, softness, power/influence, unity, calm.

Stubborn. That's the only defense they have, because otherwise they're very soft. Naturally honest. They have an effortlessness about them that feels easy to be around, and they are pleasant to be around but not accepting of everyone. They avoid people they don't like from early on and stick to the ones they consider better. Not hesitant to defend themselves or people close to them, but not quick to waste that energy on just anyone, and when they do become defensive they still maintain "the high ground". Backing their allies and fighting proudly is natural for them. Again, very stubborn, so they rarely, if ever, give up on something important. Although they're tough, they're not sharp or cruel. They are mostly in a state calmness and assuredness rather than anxious defensiveness. Very fixed and comfortable in their ways.

Buffalo yonis

Hasta and Swati

Keywords: materialism, gain, comfort, strength, feminine(yin), ease.

More attached to material things than other yonis. Individuality is defined through connections and surroundings. Love comfort and ease. Interdependence>independence. Can be curiously neutral and accomodating. Self-focused but not selfish. Often phlegmatic and slow. Genuinely caring but can be cunning. Not the most direct people. They will let others know their views but won't push them aggressively on others. Almost everything about them is filtered through that neutrality.

Tiger yonis

Chitra and Vishakha

Keywords: building, gradual, defensive, expression, buildup.

The most defensive. Can look sweet on the outside but are not all soft. Can range from extremely forgiving to extremely vengeful. Aggression comes out while speaking. Rarely, if ever, present in a state of calm melancholy. They moreso go from happy/fun to agitated. Focused on development/building, and always look for more than what's natural for them. Witty but emotionally so. If they're highly agitated, it's very hard for them to exercise restraint in the moment. Not that direct in general but unfiltered during critical moments. It's easy for them to put on a mask, whether out of neccessity or just for fun. Can be very judgemental. If they're not aware, it can make them act in a "mean" way when they feel not their best.

Rabbit/Deer yonis

Anuradha and Jyeshta

Keywords: society, organization, status quo, responsibility, transpersonal, maturing.

Very non-aggressive on the inside, despite how they might look. Naturally have endurance and a sense of responsibility. Can be judgemental but also understanding. Love to give advice. Competitive but respectful. Can become arrogant. Love everything "classic" but want to establish their own, new structures. Choosy and sometimes exclusive. More warm than they appear, and capable of more emotions than how it seems. Often traditionally intelligent. Have a very civilized behavior.

Vanar yonis

Purva Ashadha and Shravana

Keywords: flow, alliances, connections, support, creation and preservation.

Good at reading between the lines, anything too structured is harsh for them. Otherworldly aura/mannerisms. Most likely to posses what others might consider as "quirks". Value their own individuality and uniqueness. Seeks to be different from what they consider boring, normal or basic. Not very reactive. When they get defensive, they get quiet. Can romatisize sadness and melancholy. Capable of seeing both sides but are often willingly biased.

Mongoose yoni

Uttara Ashadha

Keywords: independence, solitude, practicality, victory.

Truly neutral and unbothered. Value honesty and integrity. Not attached to material things at all. Easy to be around but their regal nature might put some people ill at ease. Naturally take on leadership positions. Might feel lonely but won't trade solitude for tiring/uninteresting company. Value practicality and simplicity, and are practical themselves. Surprsingly warm and feeling in certain moments, but can also be uncaring towards others.

Lion yonis

Dhanishta and Purva Bhadrapada

Keywords: notoriety, flashiness, power, aggression, pride.

Very unfiltered and loudly so. Unashamed and bold, proud. That pride and confidence fuels their calmness, but they can lack patience. In everyday interactions they can look very unreactive but if something "triggers" them, they will not hesitate to be a little(or not so little) aggressive. Love to spread their influence. Might strongly dislike anything that looks subtle and quiet to them, as it arises distrust in them. Rarely, if ever, use/appreciate sarcasm. They prefer directness. Can slip into being a bully, or can become a proud voice for others.

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stargirllanaa · 3 days ago

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Death Grips - R.C

Dark!Frat!Rafe Cameron x f!reader

Warnings: Dv( physical abuse),NONCON, Mentions of Dv, Cheating, mentions of cheating, abusive relationship, gaslighting, manipulation, frat!rafe, blackmail, emotional abuse, underage drinking, he’s an asshole guys

Summary: inspired by ‘death grips’ by Etta Marcus/ After a messy break up with Rafe Cameron your freshman year of college, he can’t seem to leave you alone. Whether you’re awake or asleep

A/n: hey guys I haven’t wrote in so long but I had this idea in my head for so longgg, hope you enjoy cause this is a series!!<3

Part: I

……

It had been four months since you broke up with him, yet he still haunted every aspect of your life through your dreams. You were beyond tired of waking every morning with a pounding heart and a bed drenched in cold sweat from memories plaguing your mind. You always thought the most challenging part of a breakup would be the actual breakup, but it wasn't; no matter how hard you tried, you knew you would never forget the heartache Rafe put you through, and you had come to peace with that, what you weren't prepared for was his looming presence in your life even though he wasn't even physically present, that was the hardest part.

“You all packed up?” your mom asked, snapping you out of thought as she peeked through the crack of your door, only her eyes showing.

You had been so lost in thought that you had almost forgotten you were supposed to be finished packing up for school by now.

“Yeah...” you nodded as you quickly bagged up some remaining things that had sat on your bed.

“Well, almost,” you chuckled as your mom entered your room,folding up clothes to help you finish.

“Listen,” she said softly, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. “I know you're really stressed about going back. "

You sighed as she spoke. Part of you felt guilty for the way things went last semester. You always tried not to blame yourself, but you couldn't help but feel like you put yourself in the situation, so it was your fault.

“But this year is going to be better, okay?” You simply nodded in response as she brought you in for a hug. “Freshman years like a trial run.” she giggled warmly.

You had never been in a serious relationship before Rafe. The two of you had started dating at the beginning of your freshman year.bYou met him in your psych class, which you had been failing horribly. It's not like you were stupid. You could easily understand the material if you tried, but you were lazy and didn't feel like it. You had to guess Rafe was failing too, because when your professor partnered the two of you up for your big midterm, which was 30 percent of your grade, you got 72 percent.

Although getting 72 percent wasn't exactly a grade to be proud of, it was enough to pass, and it seemed like a victory at the time. Rafe had this way of making even the most minor victories feel significant, and it was then that you started to see him in a different light. After the project, you both started spending more time together, studying, hanging out, and gradually, what began as a partnership for class grew into something more.

Your relationship with Rafe had always been complicated, to say the least. He was a junior, part of a frat, and you were just a freshman with like two friends, and everyone knew Rafe. So when you started dating it was cool that everyone started to know you.

Rafe was the worst, something you only fully recognized in hindsight. At first, his attentiveness felt like care, and it was easy for you to fall into his traps because you had never been with anyone else. but it quickly morphed into control. He picked who you could hang out with, what you could wear, and even how you spent your free time. You knew you didn’t like that but it was your norm.

Arguments between the two of you were frequent and intense, His yelling at you to “get away from him” turned into full-fledged pushes across the room. What started as him grabbing your wrist a little roughly turned into him using that exact grip to drag you across the cold floor as you kicked your feet, trying to get away. It was a classic case of an abusive relationship. Ignoring the red flags till they hit you in the face. Literally. The breaking point was when you caught him cheating on you mid-fuck.

It was devastating, not just because of the betrayal, but because it forced you to confront the reality of your relationship with Rafe. The breakup that followed was messy and painful, with Rafe oscillating between begging for forgiveness and blaming you for his actions. Not only were you heartbroken, but the stress of your relationship caused you to fail most of your classes, forcing you to have to retake them the whole summer.

So yeah, you were stressed to go back to school, not even stressed; you were terrified; after you and Rafe broke up at the end of last semester, you didn't leave your dorm for anything other than class, so you really didn't have to see him or interact with him. This year, you couldn't do that; the self-isolation would only worsen things and make you more depressed; you wanted to have experiences, go to parties, and hang out with your friends. The only thing was Rafe was a horrible boyfriend, so he had to be an even worse ex. Even though you wished and hoped that the two of you could just ignore each other and stay cordial, you knew Rafe better than that.

-----------

You sat in your dorm, headphones on, blasting music as you focused on finishing your English paper. Looking up, you glanced at your roommate Mia, waving you down and clearly trying her best to get your attention. Slightly giggling at her efforts, you paused your music, sliding the headphones off your ears.

“Oh my god, finally!” she mocked, sighing before sitting on the foot of her bed with a playful smirk.

“I've been trying to get your attention for 20 minutes!” the curly-haired girl exaggerated as she threw her head back.

“Oh, please! I haven't even been working on this for 20 minutes!” you bantered back, throwing your pillows at her.

“Yeah, right, like I believe that. Everybody knows that all you do is work all day.” Mia giggles playfully, throwing the pillow back at you.

She wasn't wrong. You had told yourself that this semester would be different; you would go out, make friends, and party, yet you were still glued to your dorm a month into it. You tried to push yourself; you really did, but the constant dreams about Rafe didn't help you feel better about potentially running into him.

“That's not true..” you awkwardly laugh as you nervously scratch your neck.

“Yes, it is,” the brunette slowly says, looking around as if missing something.

“No, it's-” you try to get out before being cut off.

“Then prove it.” Mia cuts you off, standing off her bed to walk over to you. “Zeta’s throwing tonight, and I don't wanna go alone.”

When Mia mentioned Zeta,Aka Rafes frat, your heart sank, but you tried to stay calm. The last thing you wanted was to end up at a party where he would almost certainly be, but Mia had no idea how bad things had gotten between you. She knew you and Rafe ended on bad terms, but she didn’t know the full extent of what you’d been through.

"Zeta?" you repeated, trying to mask your anxiety. "Why do you want to go there?"

Mia gave you a knowing smile, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Because Topper's been trying to get with me for weeks now, and he invited me tonight.”

Your stomach churned at the mention of Topper. He and Rafe were close, practically best friends, which meant Rafe would definitely be at the party. The idea of seeing him again, especially in a place that held so many bad memories, made you feel sick. But Mia had no idea how deep your anxiety ran, and to her, this was just about a fun night out and a cute guy.

"Mia, you know Rafe’s going to be there," you said carefully. "I just… I don’t know if I’m ready for that."

Mia’s face softened, and she shifted, leaning forward. "I know things didn’t end well, but you can’t let him keep you from living your life, right? You deserve to have fun, meet new people, and not let some jerk control how you feel."

You bit your lip, staring at the floor. She was right, in a way. You couldn’t hide forever. But the thought of being in the same room as Rafe, of possibly having to interact with him, made your chest tighten with fear. Mia had no idea just how bad things had been between the two of you. To her, Rafe was just a messy breakup, not a nightmare that still haunted your every step.

"I know, it’s just…" you trailed off, unsure of how to explain the weight of it all without giving too much away.

"Look, if it gets weird or if you feel uncomfortable, we’ll leave. I promise. But maybe this is your chance to show him that you’ve moved on, that he doesn’t have power over you anymore."

Her words hit you, and for a moment, you considered it. Maybe going to the party was a chance to reclaim something, to face Rafe without fear, and show him—and yourself—that he no longer had a hold on you. But a part of you still hesitated, the fear gnawing at your resolve.

"Okay," you said after a long pause, your voice barely above a whisper. "I’ll go. But if things get too much, we leave, no questions asked."

Mia’s face lit up, and she pulled you into a hug. "Yes! Don’t worry, we’ll have fun. We’ll stick together, and it’ll be fine. I promise.”

You forced a smile, trying to ignore the knot in your stomach as Mia rushed over to her closet to pick out outfits. You hoped she was right, that tonight could be a fresh start, but deep down, you couldn’t shake the feeling that being so close to Rafe again would stir up things you weren’t ready to confront.

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The bass from the music thudded through the ground as you and Mia walked up to the Zeta house. Even from outside, you could hear the chaotic hum of voices and laughter mixed with the pounding beat of whatever random early 2000s white boy song was blasting through the speakers. Your nerves tightened with every step, and you had to remind yourself to breathe.

Mia seemed unfazed, practically glowing with excitement. She gave you a quick, encouraging smile as she adjusted her skirt. “Okay, we’re just going to have fun, remember? Topper’s probably already inside, and we don’t have to stay long if it gets too crazy.”

You nodded, though your heart was racing faster than you’d like to admit.

The front door was wide open, people streaming in and out like they were at some exclusive club. Mia grabbed your hand, pulling you inside with a grin.

The moment you stepped through the door, the atmosphere swallowed you. The smell of beer and sweat mixed with the sharp scent of alcohol. The dim blue lights illuminated the crowd of bodies packed together. It was overwhelming, and for a second, you considered turning around and leaving before anyone noticed you were there.

You thought you pregamed good, but apparently not good enough. The minute you looked around, you felt too sober to be there. Mia was already scanning the room, probably looking for Topper, as you tried your hardest not to scan the room and end up making any unnecessary eye contact with you-know-who.

“Oh, he's right there,” Mia yells over the loud music, reaching for your hand.

You tried your best to down the alcohol from the water bottle you and Mia had brought, the bitter taste burning your throat as she pulled you toward Topper. You knew the only way you'd make it through the night was if you drunk enough. Topper knew you, and you knew him—and you were almost sure he’d mention your presence to Rafe if he hadn’t already. This whole situation felt like a setup, a trap you’d willingly walked into.

When you finally reached Topper, you stood awkwardly behind Mia as she and Topper made small talk. You tried your hardest not to look at him; even though he wasn't Rafe, he was still a huge reminder of him, but every time you found yourself accidentally looking at him, he was already looking at you. You found it very strange, even looking at Mia a few times to see if she noticed. It sent a shiver down your spine; you already felt anxious about being here, but how he looked at you made it seem like he knew something you didn't.

Not long after Mia had been chatting with Topper, she turned toward you drunkenly with a big, mischievous smirk.

"Hey," she slurred slightly, leaning in close to you as if sharing a secret. “Topper wants to show me his room upstairs. You cool waiting for me here?" Her voice was filled with a mix of giddiness and anticipation.

Your stomach dropped a little, but you forced a smile, trying not to let your anxiety show. The last thing you wanted was to be left alone in a place like this, especially with the looming threat of Rafe showing up at any moment. But Mia was your friend, and she deserved to have fun.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, your voice sounding steadier than you felt. “I’ll just hang out on the couch or something.”

Mia’s grin widened, and she gave you a quick, sloppy hug. “You’re the best! I won’t be long, I swear.”

Before you could respond, she grabbed Topper’s hand and dragged him toward the stairs. You watched them disappear into the crowd, your pulse quickening as you realized you were alone in a house full of people you didn’t want to see.

You looked around, searching for a spot to sit. The couch in the corner seemed the safest option, so you headed that way, trying to ignore the unease creeping up your spine. Sitting down, you took another swig from your water bottle, hoping the alcohol would kick in soon and numb the nerves threatening to take over.

And it did; about 20 minutes later, you felt on top of the world. You had made it off your spot on the couch, made a whole new group of friends for the night, and started dancing like no one was watching, but someone was, and you started to feel it. The party's energy had begun to lift your spirits, and you felt freer than you had in a long time.

But then, in a split second, that sense of freedom evaporated.

It was as if you could sense him before you even saw him. That familiar tension gripped you as your eyes instinctively scanned the room, and there he was—Rafe, leaning casually against the far wall. His eyes were already on you, a predatory gleam in them, and your heart sank. You wanted to leave immediately. You looked down at your phone, immediately texting Mia that the two of you had to go. Your new friends even looked at you, concerned at the change in your demeanor, asking you what was wrong, and in your drunken state, you told them.

“My fucking ex is here, and he's staring at me!” you stressed to the group of girls over the blaring music.

“Girl, that's amazing! This is your chance to make him jealous!” one of the girls slurs with a glowing smile as she takes your hand. her comment earning nods and smiles of agreement from the rest of the group.

“No, you don't get it. He’s like crazy!” you whined as you looked down at your phone, waiting for a response from Mia. “and my roommate hooking up with his best friend.”

Sure, if Rafe was a regular ex, you would see him at a party and maybe be happy for a petty chance of revenge, but he wasn't a regular ex. You didn't even wanna interact with him yet intentionally piss him off, but you obviously couldn't just leave your friend, so you had to just try your best to ignore him, and you tried, but he made it pretty fucking hard.

He wasn’t alone. Surrounded by his friends, Rafe looked every bit the confident, cocky guy you had once fallen for, except now, that same confidence felt menacing. The smile tugging at his lips was more of a smirk that sent a chill down your spine.

He knew you had noticed him.

And as soon as he caught your eye, he kicked his act into high gear.

Rafe started laughing louder, nudging the guys around him like he was the life of the party. Every gesture felt exaggerated, every movement too calculated. He wanted to make sure you saw him and felt his presence as much as possible.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at that. It was sad that he was acting like this. I mean, how immature was he. You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much seeing him affected you, so you turned away, trying to refocus on dancing and getting back into the moment. But it was too late. The room felt smaller and more claustrophobic, and no matter how much you tried to immerse yourself in the music again, you could still feel his eyes on you.

And unable to resist, you glanced back.

Rafe had taken it a step further now. One of the girls nearby had found her way beside him, blonde, tall, and obviously intoxicated. She pressed herself against him, laughing as she draped her arms around his neck. Rafe barely acknowledged her, his attention still fixed on you. It was deliberate.

Your stomach churned.

And then, as if to solidify his little performance, Rafe pulled the girl closer, gripping her waist. The girl giggled, clearly enjoying the attention, oblivious that she was being used as a pawn in Rafe’s sick game.

You tried to look away, but the weight of his gaze held you in place.

Then, without breaking eye contact, he leaned in and kissed her—slow, deliberate, and intense. His hands roamed her body as she melted into the kiss, all while Rafe's piercing eyes remained locked on yours.

It felt like a punch to the gut. The room seemed to spin, and you suddenly felt like you couldn’t breathe. He was doing it on purpose. Every touch, every movement, every second of that kiss was for you, to hurt you, to remind you of the control he used to have and still has over you.

And it was working.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Your heavy eye contact with Rafe was broken as you turned around to face Mia with teary eyes. You didn't say anything, but she clearly saw what was upsetting you from a mile away.

“Oh my god, he's fucking disgusting.” she gasped, looking directly at Rafe with disgust painting her face. “Let's go right now.”

On the walk back to your dorm, Mia went on and on about how what he did should confirm the breakup was the right choice and how he just did it to try and make you jealous, and you knew that. You didn't need her to tell you, but that didn't make you feel better. He had caused you enough pain, so much pain, so why was he still going? When would it be enough?

“How was Topper?” you questioned curiously, honestly hoping selfishly that he did something that would make her never wanna see him again.

“Horrible.” she cringed, mock gagging, waiting for your reaction.

Really?” you chuckled, trying not to beam from ear to ear.

“No, the dick was average, but he's hot,” she giggled, looking up as she reminisced on the hook-up. “But why were you so happy?” she full-on laughed, crossing her arms over her chest

--------------

“Have you seen Rafe?” you asked around the party, looking around every corner for signs of your boyfriend.

You were supposed to go back home for the weekend for a doctor's appointment, but your doctor actually canceled the appointment, so you stayed on campus instead. You had tried to call Rafe multiple times to let him know you were still at school, but he hadn't answered. You believed it was because the two of you had gotten into a fight that morning, and Rafe was known to give the silent treatment, so you thought you might as well just find him yourself if he wanted to play that game.

You navigated through the crowds of people, your heart racing as you called out to a few acquaintances, hoping one of them had seen Rafe. He had been so distant lately, and the tension between you from earlier that morning hung like a thick fog.

“Have you seen Rafe?” you asked one of his friends, who shrugged and waved you off, lost in a conversation. You sighed, the knot in your stomach tightening. The last thing you wanted was to spend the night worrying about where he was, especially after you fought.

“Maybe he’s in the back,” another friend suggested, nodding toward a dimly lit hallway. You nodded, grateful for any lead, and made your way in that direction, your pulse quickening with every step.

As you reached the end of the hall, the music faded slightly, replaced by the muffled sound of voices. The door was somewhat cracked. You could hear muffled moaning, grunting, and clapping. You gasped, hand clamping over your mouth hard. You didn't wanna believe it, you couldn't, but there was only one way to know. Hesitating momentarily, you leaned in closer, peeking through the small crack of the door. Your heart sank as you recognized Rafe’s frame as he fucked some blonde bitch from the back, and if seeing what could be his frame didn't confirm it was him, the “fuck Rafe that feels so good.” did.

You felt as if the world around you had come to a standstill. You knew your relationship with Rafe was far from healthy. Anyone could see that, but you never expected him to do it. To betray you in such a hurtful way. Your mind started to race. Had he cheated before? Was it the whole time? Did everyone know but you? How could someone treat you like shit every single day yet be the one to cheat on you? It wasn't fair, and to be honest, you felt embarrassed.

You turned and rushed away from the door, tears welling in your eyes and blurring your vision. You needed to escape this suffocating atmosphere. As you moved back into the main party area, you tried to shake off the weight of what you had just witnessed, but it clung to you like a heavy blanket.

You stumbled into a group of your friends, busy dancing and laughing, oblivious to your turmoil. One of them, noticing your teary face, hugged you. “Hey, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

“I’m fine,” you lied, forcing a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. But deep down, you were anything but fine. You felt hollow, betrayed by someone you trusted more than anyone else.

As you moved to the crowd's edge, hoping to catch your breath, you couldn’t shake the image of Rafe with that girl. How could he do this to you?

You grabbed your phone, fingers trembling as you dialed his number, your heart racing at the thought of confronting him. But it went straight to voicemail.

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“y/n!” You woke up to Mia shaking you awake, your heart beating out of your chest, and your sheets dripping in sweat. “God, are you ok?” she chuckled with a worried undertone.

“Y-yeah... Yeah, I'm fine.” You yawned, looking at your roommate with a mixture of confusion and anxiety. That was the third time you had that dream since the party. You didn't realize how much seeing Rafe kiss that girl really affected you until you went to sleep the next day.

“Well, it's 9:30; breakfast closes in 30 minutes,” Mia informed you, staring at you, waiting for a response or some form of movement to show your getting up. “That means let's go.”

Every time you had a nightmare, it made you lose your appetite the following day, reminding you of how you felt during that time. In fact, it made you lose the urge to do anything, and the nightmares did come more often than not. So when you made your way to the dining hall, you only planned to get a small bowl of cereal and maybe some fruit.

You and Mia sat down next to each other, opting to eat there. You had faced your fear of going to the dining hall multiple times, never seeing Rafe there, and everything went smoothly until it didn't.

“Oh my god, Toppers here.” Mia gasped, eyes sparkling with excitement as she made eye contact with him and waved.

You looked up, confused as to why he was even at the dining hall when you knew his frat had better food than the campus could ever provide, let alone why he was there ten minutes left before it closed, but it clicked when you saw Rafe right behind him with an empty plate in hand. Part of you felt like they were there to antagonize you, but at the same time, you felt that thought was semi-narcassistic because why would they go through all the effort. But it was Rafe, and this was all a game to him; it was fun to him.

As Topper approached, Rafe lingered just a bit behind, his blue eyes scanning the room with that familiar cocky smirk plastered across his face.

“Hey, ladies,” Topper said, his tone light and teasing. He leaned against the table, completely at ease.

“Hey, Top.” Mia chirped, seemingly oblivious to the tension hanging in the air.

Rafe finally stepped forward, his casual demeanor masking the intensity beneath.

“Mind if I sit?” he asked, shooting you a sideways glance.

You hesitated but finally nodded, wanting to keep the peace for Mia’s sake. “Yeah, sure.”

He slid into the seat beside you, and for a moment, the conversation flowed easily. Rafe leaned back, looking relaxed as he chatted with Mia and Topper. You tried to focus on your cereal, but his presence loomed over you, reminding you of everything you wanted to forget.

“So, what��s everyone up to later?” Rafe asked, his gaze flickering between you and Mia. “Got any fun plans? Or is it just another boring day in paradise?”

You rolled your eyes slightly, hoping to brush off the comment. “Just studying,” you replied, trying to keep your voice light.

“Like always?” Rafe smirked, leaning closer, his tone teasing but laced with something sharper. “You know, I thought you’d be over us by now. Seems like you still care way too much.”

The comment hit you like a punch in the gut, and honestly, it was weird to you that he even noticed you'd been glued to your dorm. It just showed you that he was still hung up on you. Your heart raced, anger bubbling to the surface. “Wow, really? You think it’s about you?” you snapped, the words slipping out before you could think twice.

Rafe shrugged that infuriating smirk still plastered on his face. “I mean, it’s not like I’m the one who’s still depressed about it,” he replied, his tone smooth dripping with amusement at the fact he was getting to you.

“Unbelievable,” you said, standing up abruptly, the chair scraping loudly against the floor before You gathered your breakfast—cereal, fruit, and all—and headed toward the trash. You tossed it all into the bin. “Enjoy your breakfast,” you called over your shoulder, the disbelief mixed with fury driving you forward as you stormed out.

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Enjoyed my fic? Leave feedback! Comment/reblog!

Wanna see more? Check out my fic ‘i don’t smoke’

#dark!rafe cameron #dark!rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x reader #dark rafe cameron #rafe cameron fanfiction #obx fanfiction #outer banks fanfiction #rafe cameron #dark rafe x reader #obx imagine #rafe cameron imagine #rafe Cameron Noncon

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lem-hhn · 16 hours ago

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Man you’re so right. But also this when I’m making characters. Like they aren’t all the same size or build!! The lack of options besides those ‘ideal bodies’ also restricts the imagination of different kinds of people in different situations.

But also as somebody who has a small history in game development… it’s a lot of extra to make different body types in a game. Especially when hit boxes are a thing. But it’s extra work that would be worth it.

At least the sims lets me do pretty good with body type🥲

But it would be fun to play an adventure game as a bigger person, but, as unfortunate as it is, I understand why it’s not a common thing. A lot of game devs just don’t see it as like, a needed thing…

WOW!! Have I ever talked this much on a post before?? lol. If anybody sees this hiiii thanks for reading

actually now that i'm thinking about it. every single video game that lets you costumize characters but doesn't let you be fat is extremely revealing to the fact that most people can't imagine fat as something a person would want to be. there's other examples but like, fuck, i can't even choose to be fat in imaginary spaces. My size isn't accommodated for because they couldn't imagine a player who wants to be anything other than skinny.

Like, you see it right. How media shapes people's beliefs, and people construct beliefs into the things they create? If all you can ever choose to be in a game is one of two body shapes, and you have to physically alter the game to be anything bigger, like. "why would i imagine a world with you in it."

#apollo speaks #I haven’t used #that tag #in a while #video games #game development

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erinwantstowrite · 16 hours ago

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i cant stop thinking about how bruce didnt 100% understand exactly HOW HARD peter hits when he grabbed him by the back of the neck 💀 did he process that differently after seeing peter hold up the building?

he's seen more of peter's other abilities than he has strength. i.e. his stealth and his agility. however, spider-man caught a bus before and that wouldn't have gone unnoticed. bruce was very aware that peter could have very well kicked him to next week- but the building thing would have been a "hm" moment for him. because spider-man caught a bus, sure. but now we're getting up there in strength- an entire building, held up for several minutes.

if peter was up to standard for nutrition and training, etc, then he wouldn't have blacked out. it would have been far easier and that caught bruce's attention more than anything. alfred started making a nutritional diet for peter to make up for what he's lost, and damian started testing out what peter already does and doesn't know/can do. bruce has been paying attention to all of it. i've hinted that bruce would be helping peter with his spider-sense later, but there's more to that than JUST spider-sense. we'll get to know more about that during friendsgiving

also: bruce been working with and has worked against supers for a good chunk of his career. so if he'd have taken the hit, he'd have treated it like it was nothing and PETER would have been the one freaked out in this situation. bruce is so so so human but he is terrifying at the end of the day.

(it would have hurt SOOOO bad but bruce would be pretending he's fine)

#erinwantstowrite #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #leap of faith ao3 #peter parker #leap of faith #thank you for the ask!#bruce wayne #batman #peter parker in gotham

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buckleybltch · 2 days ago

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Why Tommy is Different to Buck’s Previous Love Interests

and Why it Doesn’t Make Sense.

This is going to be a long and (primarily) impartial post intended for all audiences, whether you like Tommy or not. However, this is not the blog to be airing grievances on. I’m not here for that. I am going to put some opinions of mine through here, but that’s all they are, and I’m going to try stick with facts with a side of interpretation. And Please, for the love of God, read till the end before commenting.

If you want to think I’m nitpicking then go ahead, but every scene of this show gets analysed to death and back for varying reasons. This will be no different.

The Hospital Scene

For the first time, we see one of Buck’s love interests sitting with the 118 at the hospital while they wait to make sure one of their own is okay. In regard to the group chat that appeared on that scene, form your own opinions. We don’t know if Karen or Maddie is in this group chat either. Opinion: I personally don’t think it’s that unusual to have a work group chat, and I also think Bobby showed Athena his phone. I don’t believe that was meant to reinforce the idea that Tommy is an ‘outsider’- if he was an outsider, he wouldn’t have been at the hospital altogether.

Never before has a LI shown up for the 118 at the hospital with Buck. Ali and Abby turned up at the hospital for Buck because it’s him who was hurt, and Taylor was at the hospital with her camera man for the story (s5 May Day). When Eddie got shot, Taylor showed up at the hospital because she thought it was Buck who got shot. Tommy showing up is a unique situation- they were sat in their civvies as a group in the waiting room, and Tommy is there with Buck for Denny. Tommy was part of the 118 waiting room crew; we’ve never seen this before; Buck’s partner showing up for his team(family) at the hospital.

The closest we’ve had before is Abby showing up to Chimney’s return to work party, but at this point they weren’t actually together, and obviously Chimney was okay by this point, it’s not a hospital scene.

The Firefighter Life

When Ali breaks up with Buck, she says it’s because she can’t handle the firefighter life, waiting for him to get hurt. She says it’s not what she wants. This issue isn’t present with Tommy because he is also a firefighter. He knows what he signed up for with Buck, he’s perfectly and intimately familiar with the risks they take everyday and the risk of getting hurt. While it’s a perfectly reasonable assumption that this might still be an issue to some degree, no one wants to see their boyfriend getting hurt after all, they both understand the life and what it means. Tommy solves the reason Ali broke up with him.

The Bobby Approval

This one is a key one. When the scene first aired, I strongly believed (and still do) that this line was also intended for the audience. We have Bobby’s explicit approval of Tommy as a person and for Buck. He’s good people, he’s good for you.

Bobby and Buck never spoke about Natalia or about Ali. I hold the belief, like many, that Bobby never particularly liked Taylor because of how she tried to exploit Bobby in season 2. However, Bobby did help Buck decide on a Christmas gift for Taylor and vice versa. Yet, he never said on screen that he thought they were good together. Hen and Chimney do also come to Taylor for help (s5) with Jonah, but even in that scene they’re shown to not trust her with what they’re telling her.

Abby is more complex as she was a main character in season 1 and her relationship with Buck was a full-season arc. Bobby helped Buck tie his tie and gave him genuinely good advice before their date. Bobby even talks to Buck about having a serious relationship and how to handle it, about how to treat her with respect. Other characters definitely aired their reservations about Abby in season 2 (Is it the age difference? More like the time difference). I believe Bobby gave his implicit, but not explicitly said, approval of Abby through the way he treated and spoke to Buck about their relationship. Despite this, I do think it’s poignant that for the seven years after Buck and Abby broke up, we never saw Bobby approve or like another one of his relationships until Tommy.

The Future Talk

In 8x06, Josh straight up asks Buck if he can see a future with Tommy. This of course follows up Josh already asking “do you care about him, do you think about him when’s not around”. The discussion between Josh and Buck is unique, because Buck has never spoken to a friend about this before. His relationships with Ali and Natalia weren’t developed or long enough to warrant the discussion, he never talked about the future with Abby, and he said “no” at the prospect of proposing to Taylor. For the first time, Buck is asked on-screen if he sees a future with his romantic partner, and Buck says yes. This is explicitly said for the first time. Yes, he made a confused face when Josh asked if he loved him, because clearly Buck hasn’t given it that much thought until he’s confronted with it. Either way, Buck, for the first time, says he wants a future with his romantic partner.

This further prompts Buck to ask Tommy to move in with him, which, different to his motivation for asking Taylor to move in with him, is fuelled by wanting a future. Buck even brings up marriage in his discussion with Tommy, which he’s also never discussed with a romantic partner on screen before. The content of both discussions is something we haven’t seen Buck talk about or admit before.

Eddie Friendship

All of Buck’s love interests, bar Abby, have screen time with Eddie. However, Ali and Natalia only share screen time with Eddie when they first meet because they meet on a call. As Buck’s girlfriends, they don’t share screen time with Eddie.

Taylor once has dinner with Buck, Eddie, and Christopher, and she compliments Eddie’s cooking. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe this is the only main time they’re seen together. It’s civil, it’s fine. However, they aren’t friends.

Tommy is a unique situation again; because he’s a guy, it might be easier for Eddie to form a friendship with him. They’re very fast friends, they do Muay Thai together, Tommy works on Eddie’s car, they play basketball together, Tommy went to Eddie’s house 3 times in two weeks and met Christopher. Christopher likes Tommy, he thinks he’s cool, and Eddie invited Tommy to Chris’ virtual birthday party. He’s the first love interest to not only get along with Eddie, but become friends with him outside of Buck (emphasised by 7x04 where Tommy tells Buck that his friendship with Eddie has nothing to do with Buck). The show makes their friendship very clear.

I’ll fully admit that Eddie’s friendship with Tommy was needed for the plot in 7x04, but beyond that, why was it relevant? It already made Buck realise he wanted to be with Tommy. They might’ve needed it for a plot reason but they’re friends afterwards too. Maddie calls Tommy “Eddie’s friend” in 7x05 and they’re laughing together in the hospital and getting alone fine in 8x05. Why?

Fitting Into Buck’s Life

Of course, this all culminates by saying Tommy fits into Buck’s life extremely well.

Tommy doesn’t have to go through the awkward phase of meeting all of Buck’s friends, because the only one he hasn’t met is Eddie. Tommy was previously friends with Bobby, Hen, and Chimney, they already know him. He’s already met Athena. Sure, they might have some catching up to do, but they already have a good history. They’re familiar. Again, Tommy already gets along with Buck’s friends outside of Buck.

Why was Tommy at the hospital for Hen’s son if he wasn’t integrated? Why feel comfortable going to Maddie and Chimney’s wedding? Even Buck makes the point of saying that Tommy is already going to know everybody there; he’s not just his date, he already knows them.

Tommy is friends with Buck’s friends already, Tommy understands the demands of being a firefighter and what it entails with the risks and the commitment. Tommy understands Buck’s friendship with Eddie and Christopher, and his dynamic with Bobby.

Intention (Conclusion)

This is all to say- this is intentional. If the point of the relationship was always to breakup, why have Tommy included in these scenes? Tommy didn’t need to be there at the hospital for Denny, but they wrote it in for him to join the 118 waiting. Bobby didn’t need to give his approval of Tommy on screen. It didn’t further his relationship with Buck nor the plot. It was written this way for a reason, and I think anyone can admit the actual breakup in the scene was abrupt, and it’s all of the above context that makes it even more abrupt.

I know it makes his relationship with Buck more meaningful, sweeter, more heartbreaking for Buck, but we never saw these moments with his ex girlfriends, particularly Taylor, and their relationship was solid until it wasn’t. If this unique treatment of Tommy was meant to put Buck through heartbreak then I offer a second question: what is coming up for Buck that requires him to go through heartbreak?

Why go through the effort of writing Tommy to fit in so well with Buck’s life if he’s only there to further a plot? None of Buck’s other LIs were treated like that, and they achieved the plot they needed to. So why was this different? Buck’s relationship with Taylor was a lot longer, and they lived together, but we never saw these types of scenes with her. Why? Why was this different? What was the point of making the relationship meaningful and different?

Again, this post is not here for people to argue. It should be clear to everyone, regardless of why you think so, that Tommy was treated different by the show than Buck’s other love interests. There must have been a reason, even if that wasn’t clear. Is something big coming up for Buck that he needed to be heartbroken for? Is it poor writing? Is Tommy coming back? There must be some reason that Tommy was treated differently by the writers other than “just because”.

#911 #911onabc #evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #tevan #episode analysis #long post #analysis #8x06 #tommy #thoughts #interpretation #tommy was treated different by the show and you can’t convince me otherwise #bbessay

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narcissistcookbook · 3 days ago

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are you ever freaked out by the thought that your fans are forming parasocial attachments to you?

...i mainly ask because i have a parasocial crush on you and you telling me to fuck off would probably help

as someone super vulnerable to parasocial attachments, i totally understand them. there's a certain tabletop actual play series that carried me through quarantine to the point where i really needed to step back and remind myself i didn't actually know those people

at the same time i absolutely buy into the discourse right now about it, on the side of learning to recognise that creators aren't your friends, you don't know them, and to be extremely mindful of their boundaries

my personal boundaries as an artist with a modest following are different to the boundaries a mainstream artist would have simply because i *do* have time to chat with people online and at shows. there are also true friends in my life who first met me through my music, so hard and fast rules on the nature of the artist/fan dynamic give me the ick

as it stands, my boundaries are that as long as people are reminding themselves they don't actually *know* me then everything should be cool! in person i guess i'd like people to approach me like you'd approach a dog you don't know. say hi, but don't behave like we have a rapport. does that make sense? be cool and chill and i'll be happy to chat as long as the situation allows it 💜

but you, you specifically can fuck off

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cancerian · 22 hours ago

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The only “dense motherfucker” is one that believes it is women that must do so (make men feel comfortable) for men. You live in a society highly governed by your fellow males, if anyone is making you feel “bad” or “sad” it is because of the rules and laws created by your fellow males. Why should women who have been oppressed and subjugated for years, and are still subjugated by a different name care for your hurt that is caused by other men.

The biggest threat to women is men, the biggest threat to men is other men. At these your big ages, you would think that half a braincell would have formed by now. There is nothing that men will do now that they have not already done in the past. This is why women’s history and their experiences with the men they loved is very important for young girls to know. That way they don’t fall into the trap of “if you show them love, they will change and be kind.” Stop trying to put women in dangerous situations under the guise of loving all humans.

You have to be small minded to think women treat all men the same, your kind needs their ego stroked. Which is why women/girls are required to say “but not all men” when discussing things that disproportionately affect them. No one owes you love, but as humans we owe each other some sense of respect. So, you must respect women’s decisions to interact with you how they feel safest doing. The same way women have learned to respect that not all men are going to respect them. Only a dense pig would think that women do not understand the concept of viewing others as humans. In fact, time and time again it is women that are viewed as less than human by the same group you’re forcing them to care for.

As women (regardless of age), and especially as black women (moving away from the POC bs) you should prioritize your safety, you are not mother Theresa (even she was proven to be a fraud) and should focus on your own wellbeing. Don’t let an idiot calling you “dense” put you in situations many never come out of alive. As someone who has a male in her life that would do anything to see her happy and accomplished (and vice versa), I don’t go around with rose colored glasses trying to change anyone’s opinions because they chose to adopt an ideology that demonizes the living experiences of others. If being called “brother” is the only way you feel welcomed, then you need to rethink your entire life. Once you’re above 25, I implore that you try using at the very least 1/3 of your brain. I know using even half would probably cause a headache, so for now let’s aim to use 1/3.

Also you bring up the fact that men disproportionately hold more seats of power, so maybe direct your sadness to the people actively causing it. Which is the men in power not caring about the broke men (any man not in power). “It won’t pan out great for anyone who is not a male” because this is what males have done throughout history (I know you used man, but I used male for a specific reason and no I’m not a terf, but I don’t care about being called that). What a pathetic thing to say, especially if you’re not the man in power. This is an issue that egotistical idiots have (not calling you an idiot, but it is what it is), claiming men created this and that, when your ancestors are not the men that created it. Stop claiming power you personally don’t have. Stop claiming other men’s hard work as your own, especially when they put in the work to actually be productive members of society.

To the original twitter post, my dude you sound very stupid and seem like the kind that spends more time watching videos than actually reading on your countries history. The win was predictable, not because “men are becoming more right wing” but because this has been a common theme in America. These people are influenced by certain kind of media because deep down they already hold these beliefs, which is why they accept them. Men don’t genuinely want to see equality, hence why when they notice any group they view less than getting more rights they retaliate. The election result only tells us the reality of America as it pertains to race and sex (even more so when we look at the outcome of certain women’s voting history). So, the replies need to stop trying to make women take the blame for actions caused by other men. We should all aim to grow up.

To all the women/girls out there, avoid men that always want to be coddled and victimized. Most importantly find ways to protect yourselves, utilize the 2nd amendment given to you not by all men, but by the men that actually wrote it in. Protect yourselves by all means, and don’t be made to feel guilty for opting for safety over danger and stress.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

#men #women #misogny #misandry #intersectional feminism #radical feminism #feminism #presidential election #election 2024 #red pill #blue pill #victim mentality

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nam-the-nacho · 3 days ago

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Mit2uba's Trauma: An Analogy

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Tw: I will be discussing the abuse Mitsuba has suffered from his environment, nothing that isn't in the manga, but I want to give a heads up. Additionally, I'm fortunate to have not gone though any severe traumatic experience myself, and am instead using my general knowledge, meaning if anything is incorrect here, please point it out!

(Also manga spoilers obviously)

I'm not pretending this hasn't ever been discussed, however I have yet to see an analogy of the consequences of Mitsuba's creation and (practically nonexistent) upbringing.

I'm going to divide this post into sections, but they won't really be organized, maybe chapters is a better definition. This thing is l o n g, so without further ado:

1: Mitsuba being paralleled to a puppet:

This is done quite often, although not in the same ways. Besides the psychological aspects of being Tsukasa's "puppet", as in being forced to do as he says and overall being under his control, but there are physical correlations too.

Tsukasa referring to Mitsuba as a "Thing"

Mitsuba lets Tsukasa hold him. This is much more then a surface-level fact considering Mitsuba usually rejects contact/uses it as an excuse to blame others. This is easily explained by "Mitsuba is simply scared of Tsukasa, he can't tell him no", except Mitsuba doesn't look scared when being held, he just looks, expressionless.

More then that, he completely trusts Tsukasa with his body weight, leaning into his touch and allowing himself to be comforted by it. This obviously occasionally backfires horribly

While Mitsuba being punched is framed in a humorous manner, the implications and weight of it are very heavy. It's all fun and games until you remember this is how Mitsuba is being raised, and it's all he's ever known. If Mitsuba doesn't want to do what Tsukasa tells him too, he gets punched. If he talks back, he gets kicked out of the broadcasting room (we'll get back to this later). If he asks to be Tsukasa's friend, he gets fireworks shoved down his mouth.

And the results of this... well:

This one in particular is interesting to me:

"It's just Mitsuba being surprised because Kou suddenly raised his voice". But that's not what's being illustrated. Upon hearing "brace yourself" even from someone like Kou, who wasn't planning on actively trying to hurt Mitsuba, he literally stiffens, pales, and begins to tremble and sweat, dropping the piece of chalk he was holding (those things break way to easily, yk he was serious). It's not shock or surprise being drawn, it's just genuine fear.

This could very well be me overthinking, but Mitsuba falls in what is almost a doll-like manner, arms and legs completely stiff.

2: Social rejection and trivial treatment:

The Mitsuba chapter (ch. 40) was worse then I remembered.

Mitsuba runs away from the broadcasting room in search of a better, safer place to stay. Only to understand he has none.

What's worse is that these are the characters we see being far kinder to the rest of the cast. We see Yako, Hanako and weirdo super-natural teacher together in his living quarters, watching tv together, but when Mitsuba approaches them...

(Tsuchigomori eventually does stay with him, but his opinion of him doesn't really change.)

"This guy's a pain, I'm out of here"

Tsuchigomori doesn't know Mitsuba, the only time we see them meet was when Tsuchigomori refers to him as emergency rations (above), and when he answered Mitsuba who asked him a question (answer starting with "You seriously don't know?" (YES SIR HOW WOULD HE KNOW HE'S LIKE ONE MONTH OLD)).

He probably heard he's a prankster from Hanako, which is why he wants nothing to do with him.

The point is despite Mitsuba needing to run from the closest thing he considers a "home", not a single supernatural actually understands his situation. Hanako borderline hates him, Nene barley understands he's a different Mitsuba, and Kou tends to accidently frame it as Mitsuba's CHOICE to stay with Tsukasa in the broadcasting room.

This is sadly something that can happen in reality, children trying to escape their less-desirable homes can often find themselves, sickeningly, returning after not finding somewhere or someone to take them seriously.

The most deranged part of this is that as a result of nobody properly digesting that he needs help, Mitsuba himself frequently convinces himself that everything is normal.

The implication that every time Mitsuba fights with Tsukasa he needs to just fend for himself until enough time has passed for Tsukasa to forget is sad. He's an outcast between the wonders for replacing the old No.3, despite his only other choice being death, which they don't know.

Sakura is probably the closest thing Mitsuba has to family, being in a similar situation to him, but it's incorrect to say she truly deeply cares about him. She's fond of Mitsuba, but never goes out of her way to help him when Tsukasa hurts him, and seems to have put her personal safety and goals as a higher priority then him (this isn't Sakura slander, I love my queen).

Natsuhiko treats him like a pet more then a human, and sometimes hits on him, which is just gross. Despite this Mitsuba genuinely appreciates him and sees him as an older brother. It's cruel to see this one-sided ordeal.

We don't actually know Mitsuba's true opinion of Tsukasa. In an almost realistic manner, his opinion is constantly contradictory. Mitsuba is scared of Tsukasa, but at the same time he only feels 'safe' when he's around.

Also, contrary to Sousuke, Mitsuba is more scared of Tsukasa then thunder, which could either mean that Sousuke's phobia of thunder was memory-correlated, or that Mitsuba is SO scared of Tsukasa that thunder is nothing in comparison.

Mitsuba freezing after hearing Tsukasa's voice

vs:

We know Mitsuba is aware that Tsukasa is not treating him okay, but by the time we learn this (pp arc), Mitsuba has half convinced himself that Tsukasa is doing everything he's doing to help him, and that "nobody else can help him anyways". Genuinely Mitsuba is one of the most subtle-yet-obvious victims portrayed in media I've even seen.

3: Ok-yeah-that's-not-okay moments

Do I really need to add anything.

I will anyways. Mitsuba is a dramatic by nature, unrelated to any of the emotional damage he's suffered. The fact that Tsukasa can make him stop crying just by demanding it really shows how bad he messed up Mitsuba. The ability to stop crying on command out of fear..... somebody save him.

Stay away!

Can't add to many pictures because of the tumbler limitations, but in every one of these scenes Mitsuba totally freezes, only regaining control and suddenly snapping once someone (aka Kou) does anything intimidating to him.

Going in-depth about the similarities between Kou and Tsukasa is an entirely different ordeal, but in short summery:

There's a carefully built connection between Tsukasa and Kou, that deserves a post of it's own.

4: Symptoms of trauma:

Trust issues are heavily associated with a problematic childhood, so it's not very surprising that Mitsuba struggles to trust anyone besides Tsukasa, even if he doesn't want to.

Very commonly appearing alongside trauma, self destructive behaviors are a tragically common coping habit. I don't think I need to add any pictures for this one, as practically every other sentence Mitsuba says have some 'Just let me pass away' coding to it.

Lack of memories is a symptom that appears in very severe cases, and while it isn't completely accurate to Mitsuba it's an interesting addition considering Mitsuba has no memories.

5: Character design:

Mitsuba has lots of chains and locks in his wonder form, a lock on his neck (which has multiple interpretations), one preventing his heart from beating, which could be a clever metaphor for Mitsuba further constricting his humanity by "choosing" to become a wonder, but most interesting:

What looks to be the remains of a leg shackle.

Mitsuba in a box labeled as fragile.

6: This definitely isn't a metaphor for an eating disorder:

"I'm always hungry, no matter how much I eat" -M

"You starved yourself from all this moping around, just because you didn't want to eat something different?" -K

Can we talk about how the fandom collectively just skipped over the huge reveal that Mitsuba STARVES HIMSELF. Because I feel like that really wasn't talked about. As if this guy doesn't have enough going on, he now has to deal with constant starvation, dehumanization at new never-seen-before-pace, and the loss of his will to exist in the first place.

He is both metaphorically and physically falling apart, constantly in physical pain. When he isn't in physical pain it's because he's experiencing gut-wrenching psychological torment as he can't stop eating live beings. I don't blame this guy.

The only person who knew of this was Tsukasa, until he "told" Kou. Told is in quotation marks because it was never really Mitsuba trusting Kou enough to open up about the hell he's enduring, as mentioned before Mitsuba doesn't exactly know how to trust. The fact was forced out of him due to a dire situation, but Kou could not have reacted in a worse way:

Pro tip: If your reaction to learning that your best buddy is suffering from a complicated relationship with food, is shoving said food into their mouth violently, you might need therapy just as much as they do.

Kou is still unaware that Mitsuba's diet contains living things too, but if we're being honest that doesn't really put Kou in the right here. Like, man, I know you're freaking out because your friend just asked you to end him, but please take out your anger on something that isn't him.

And don't act surprised when this is his reaction:

This is arguably the a result of post traumatic stress disorder. Mitsuba didn't just escape, he hid in the nearest corner, making himself as small as possible, hid his head and trembled. The reason I'm calling this out as PTSD is because the only other time he panicked like this was right after Tsukasa shoved the bird heart down his throat.

So for both situations it's:

Tsukasa force feeds Mitsuba -> Mitsuba loses control (starts attacking everything)

Kou force feeds Mitsuba -> Mitsuba bites Kou

And the results are the same. He reacted the same way because mentally it was the same situation to him, It doesn't matter what the intentions were, Kou triggered an event(s (considering he's eaten multiple supernatural and is absolutely repulsed by it)) that Mitsuba had no intention of revisiting.

Summery:

Mitsuba's trauma is often overshadowed by more obvious displays of mental scarring, like with the Yugi twins and Kou, and is often represented with irony or humor, including by the creators themselves.

Even without everything he's gone though, Mitsuba was always a hopeless character. He just existed one day. He doesn't have anything, anyone. He's never been told he's loved, he's never felt sunlight, he never got to play, he's never had anyone tuck him into bed, or read him a story. He was robbed of his childhood, and any connections besides the few who remember him for someone that he isn't.

He doesn't even know what snow is, yet he knows how blood tastes like

This entire post wasn't even scratching the tip of the iceberg in terms of how much grave emotional turmoil Mitsuba has faced. And will face. Yeah I don't know how well his trust issues will cope with Natsuhiko leaving him to die. If he lives.

The idea of this long rant was to point out that Mitsuba's trauma and mental struggles are just as, if not more, relevant then his physical ones. And they do affect him, and they do have consequences. And they will most certainly come back 20x worse later on in the plot. I would say to prepare mentally, but I know tbhk fans can handle just about anything.

Thank you for reading!

ヾ(≧▽≦*)

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#tbhk #jshk #mitsuba sousuke #tbhk mitsuba #analogy

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goblin-jr · 21 hours ago

Text

And then i go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like i love you.

Part 8 of 12

Synopsis: the immediate aftermath of the kiss, late night shenanigans, and new alliances

Pairing: unrequited JJ x Reader, Eventual Rafe x Reader

masterlist

—------

The street light cast a warm, soft glow around them, flickering ever so slightly in the cool night air. Y/N and Rafe stood there, suspended in time, the quiet stretch of seconds between them heavier than anything they’d shared before. The world seemed muted, as if the night was holding its breath, waiting for either of them to speak.

Y/N could feel her heart still racing, the lingering sensation of Rafe’s lips on hers making her skin hum. She wanted to say something, anything, to fill the space between them, but her throat felt dry, her words caught somewhere in the back of her mind. The moment was so raw, so new, and she didn’t know how to process it. She took a small step back, not because she wanted to distance herself, but because she was trying to figure out how to exist in this newfound space between them.

Her hands fidgeted with the sleeve of her jacket, and she found herself looking down, avoiding his gaze, feeling the warmth of her cheeks spreading, though she couldn’t tell if it was the night air or the kiss that made her blush.

“That... that happened,” Y/N finally said, the words coming out more softly than she intended, like she was still trying to convince herself that the kiss hadn’t been some wild figment of her imagination.

Rafe’s chuckle broke the quiet, but it was light—genuine. His lips quirked into a small, almost bashful smile. “Yeah, it did.” His voice was still a little deeper than usual, with the weight of the moment hanging between them.

For a second, neither of them spoke, the only sound was the soft rustle of the wind through the trees. Rafe shifted slightly, his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jacket, his gaze still locked on her. His eyes were different now, softer. There was something almost vulnerable in them, like he was unsure of what to do next, but couldn’t look away.

Y/N bit her lip, glancing at him and then quickly looking away again. The stillness between them felt both comforting and unsettling. She wasn’t sure what was happening—this wasn’t just a kiss. It felt like a step forward, but a step into something unknown, something she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

But there was something about the way Rafe was looking at her. Something about the way his chest was rising and falling, his expression a mix of bashfulness and awe, as if he didn’t know what to do with all of this either. His usual confident swagger was gone, replaced by a quiet uncertainty that made him seem... different. Real.

“Do you want to forget about all this for a while?” Rafe asked, his voice hesitant but sincere, as though he was testing the waters. His gaze softened, and a mischievous grin tugged at the corners of his lips.

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat, her breath catching slightly. The weight of the situation—the kiss, the emotions—felt so heavy, and she realized she didn’t want to deal with it just yet. She didn’t want to overthink it. She didn’t want the pressure of figuring out what it all meant. All she wanted was to be with him at this moment, free of expectations.

She nodded quickly, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Yes. God, yes.” The words felt like a release, a relief. The tension in her shoulders melted, the anxiety from moments ago slipping away.

Rafe’s grin widened, that familiar spark of spontaneity lighting up his eyes again. She could see it—this shift in him, from the uncertainty of the kiss to this playful energy, the one that made him seem like he was always looking for the next adventure. It was a side of him she hadn’t seen in a while, not with her. She felt a little lighter already, and the heaviness in her chest—caused by the kiss, by the new feelings she didn’t quite understand—started to fade.

“Good,” he said, his voice warmer now, like he was pleased she’d agreed. “Let’s forget about it all for a bit.” He looked around the country club parking lot, and then, with a sudden burst of energy, he stepped off, walking toward his car. “You’re coming with me, right?”

Y/N hesitated for a moment. Her heart still fluttered from the kiss, but she didn’t need to think twice. She needed this—to forget, to just enjoy the night and not think about the complexity of it all. She followed him, feeling that familiar sense of adventure in her chest, and smiled to herself as she caught up with him.

“Of course,” she said, her voice steady. She had no idea where they were going, but she didn’t care. They were together. That was enough for now.

–

The engine of Rafe’s car hummed as it rolled down the quiet streets, the late-night air rushing through the open windows. The moon cast a soft glow on the road ahead, and the distant sounds of waves crashing along the shore mingled with the thrum of the music blasting from the speakers. Inside the car, the weight of the night—of everything that had happened between them—still lingered, but it wasn’t as heavy anymore.

Y/N leaned back in the passenger seat, her eyes flicking from the road ahead to Rafe. She hadn’t expected this. She hadn’t expected him to be so... carefree, so willing to throw everything aside and just be in the moment with her. He wasn’t the same Rafe she’d known before—the one who was always wrapped up in his family’s expectations and his own dark world. There was something different about him tonight.

Rafe glanced over at her, his eyes catching hers for a brief moment, and then his lips curled into a playful grin. “You know,” he said, his voice louder to be heard over the music, “this is exactly what we need. No expectations. No plans. Just... fun. What do you say?”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, the corners of her mouth curving upward. She was still processing everything, but the thought of simply enjoying the night, of not overthinking things, felt like a relief. It felt like a chance to breathe.

“Yeah, I’m in,” she replied, her voice lighter than it had been earlier. “Let’s just do something crazy.”

Rafe’s eyes lit up with mischief. “That’s the spirit,” he said, turning his attention back to the road. “Okay, let’s see how much trouble we can get into tonight.”

She had been so caught up in everything that she hadn’t even thought about how cold it had gotten. The night air was crisp, and she shivered slightly in her bikini from the events earlier in the night. As they drove, she noticed Rafe’s hoodie hanging on the back of the passenger seat, and without a word, she grabbed it and slipped it on over her shoulders. It was a little too big, and the sleeves hung down past her hands, but it felt warm and comforting against her skin.

As they drove through the streets, Rafe began to do what he did best: mess around. He started pulling faces in the rearview mirror, his eyes wide and exaggerated, his tongue sticking out, making ridiculous noises to make Y/N laugh. She couldn’t help it; her laugh bubbled up, loud and unrestrained, filling the car as they sped down the road. The sound felt freeing—her usual self-consciousness fading in the face of Rafe’s antics.

He glanced over at her with a grin that could rival the moon itself. “You laugh too easily,” he teased. “I’ll have you know, I’m a professional.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but there was no denying the warmth spreading in her chest. It was like being swept up in the sheer spontaneity of it all. The world was quiet, and the only thing that mattered in that moment was the laughter and the joy they shared. It was a side of Rafe she hadn’t seen much of before, and it was making her heart flutter in ways she couldn’t quite explain.

“You’re ridiculous,” she said, wiping a tear from her eye, still laughing.

“Ridiculously fun, you mean,” Rafe shot back with a wink, then reached to turn the music up louder. The bass reverberated through the car, and for the next few minutes, they sang along to whatever song came on, their voices a perfect mess of harmony and laughter.

It didn’t matter that the night was creeping on or that the world outside was still buzzing with life. It felt like they had created their own little bubble—a space where nothing else could touch them. It was just her and Rafe. And it was enough.

After a while, they reached the outskirts of town. The lights dimmed, and the streets grew emptier, the night air cooler as they drove further. Rafe’s grin never wavered as he pulled into the parking lot of a small, roadside diner that was half-lit by the neon signs hanging outside. The “Open” sign buzzed with a faint flicker, but it still looked inviting in its own way.

“You hungry?” he asked, raising an eyebrow as he pulled to a stop.

Y/N stretched, her arms reaching above her head as she let out a small groan. “Yeah, definitely. I could use something greasy right about now.”

Rafe’s grin grew. “Good. Because I know just the place.”

They both climbed out of the car, and Y/N couldn’t help but laugh as she looked up at the slightly rundown diner. It was nothing fancy, but the warmth that radiated from it felt like a small piece of comfort in the middle of the night. It was the perfect place for a spontaneous adventure.

Rafe opened the door for her with a mock bow. “After you, m’lady.”

Y/N smirked, shaking her head as she stepped inside. “You’re such a dork.”

–

The small bell above the door jingled as they entered, the faint hum of the diner’s jukebox mixing with the sounds of quiet conversation from a few patrons scattered around. The waitress behind the counter gave them a quick once-over, her eyes lingering on Rafe for a split second before she gave them a nod of acknowledgement.

“Table for two?” she asked with a warm but no-nonsense smile.

“Yep,” Rafe replied, gesturing toward a booth in the corner. “This one’s perfect.”

They slid into the booth, the seats worn but comfortable, and Y/N immediately kicked her legs out, the worn vinyl creaking under her as she stretched. There was something about the simplicity of the diner that made everything feel easy, like the world outside could wait.

Rafe picked up the laminated menu and flicked through it with a practiced hand. “Alright, so what are you in the mood for? Fries? Milkshake? The works?”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, eyeing the menu with mock seriousness. “If I’m going for it, I might as well go all in. Fries and a milkshake sound perfect.”

Rafe smiled at her choice, a little amused. “Classic. I’ll take the same, but with a burger. You know, for the ultimate greasy experience.”

“God, you’re such a guy,” Y/N laughed, nudging him with her shoulder. “Fine, I’ll get a burger too. But you’re paying for it.”

Rafe’s eyes widened dramatically. “I’m paying for the fries and milkshake too, right?”

Y/N shot him a playful look. “You bet.”

As the waitress came back to take their orders, Rafe leaned back in the booth, crossing his arms over his chest. “So,” he began, voice light but full of curiosity, “you ever come to places like this when you were younger?”

Y/N paused, thinking for a moment. “I mean, yeah, we had a couple of dives like this back home. Not exactly my ‘family night out’ spot, but a place to grab something cheap and quick. My mom used to take us to places like this when I was little, before everything got... complicated.”

Rafe nodded, picking up on the subtle shift in her tone. He didn’t press, but there was a soft understanding in his expression as he stared at his menu. “I get that,” he said quietly. “My mom used to bring Sarah and me here all the time before she died. It was one of those things—some nights, this place was the only thing that felt like home, you know?”

Y/N’s eyes softened as she looked at him, the words he spoke giving her a glimpse into a side of Rafe that was rarely shown. “I didn’t know that,” she admitted.

“Yeah.” Rafe shifted in his seat, not quite meeting her gaze. “It’s not much, but it’s something I hold on to.”

Before the silence could grow too heavy, the waitress arrived with their food. The scent of greasy fries and fresh burgers filled the air, and the two of them dug in without another word, the moment passing easily.

“So,” Y/N said after taking a bite of her fries, “do you always get so deep on people in the middle of a diner?”

Rafe smirked, his usual teasing tone back in full force. “You’re the one who asked,” he retorted, grabbing a fry off her plate with a wink.

Y/N mock-glared at him, though it was clear she was enjoying the back-and-forth. “That’s it. No more sharing your fries.”

“Oh no, you didn’t just threaten my fries,” Rafe shot back, grabbing a handful of fries and holding them away from her reach. “These are mine. Deal with it.”

She rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help laughing. “You’re such a child.”

Rafe grinned, leaning back with his burger. “And you love it,” he said, his voice carrying a note of affection that was hard to ignore.

–

Upon return to the car, Rafe’s eyes sparkled with excitement as he turned to Y/N.

With a grin, Rafe pulled the car into a narrow alleyway and parked in front of an old, forgotten building. The walls were cracked and faded, and the windows were boarded up. It looked like the kind of place that had been left behind by time—like a forgotten corner of the world.

Y/N took a deep breath, glancing over at Rafe with a hesitant but intrigued look. “You wanna climb up there?” She nodded toward the fire escape ladder that led up to the roof, her heart racing with the thought of doing something reckless and a little dangerous.

Rafe’s grin widened. “You got a problem with that?”

Y/N hesitated only for a moment before shrugging, her lips curving into a playful smile. “Not at all. But, I’ve got a better idea.”

Rafe raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Oh?”

Without another word, Y/N led him down the alley, her steps confident as she moved toward another, lesser-known building in the area. It wasn’t as decayed as the other one, but it had its own charm. It was a rooftop Y/N had discovered when she and the Pogues used to sneak around town—a secret spot where they could look over the city without anyone bothering them.

She glanced at Rafe, her expression turning a little softer, a sense of pride in her eyes. “This is my spot. I’ve come here a few times when I needed to think. It's not as obvious as the other place, but that’s the point. I figured it’s time to share it with you.”

Rafe blinked in surprise. “I didn’t know you had a secret place.”

Y/N grinned. “I’m full of surprises, remember?”

With a nod of appreciation, Rafe followed her up the stairs leading to the roof. The night was clear, and the cool breeze brushed through their hair as they reached the top. Y/N threw a glance over her shoulder and smiled at Rafe, who had climbed up with ease, his usual confident demeanor unchanged.

“So, this is where you get away from it all?” Rafe asked, looking around at the rooftop, which offered a perfect view of the town below. The lights of the city twinkled in the distance, casting a soft glow in the dark.

“Yeah,” Y/N said, her tone quieter now. “It’s always been my place to just breathe, you know? Get away from everyone and everything. And now... it’s our spot, I guess.”

Rafe nodded slowly, taking in the scene. The rooftop had an old charm to it, like it was untouched by time. There was a worn couch pushed against one of the walls, some string lights hanging loosely from the rafters, and old crates stacked in a haphazard manner. It wasn’t perfect, but there was something peaceful about it.

“You really have found the best spots,” Rafe remarked, a little in awe. He moved to sit on the edge of the roof, gazing out at the cityscape below. “I can see why you like it up here.”

Y/N followed his gaze, taking in the same view. “It’s quieter up here. You can just think without everyone looking over your shoulder.”

They settled back against the edge, the view of the quiet town spread out below. Rafe’s playful smirk had faded, his eyes serious as he looked at her.

“So…” he began, a bit uncertain. “What about JJ? I mean, if you… if you think about him at all anymore.”

Y/N let out a sigh, folding her arms as she thought. “I don’t know. For so long, I thought maybe he was just… it for me, you know?” She laughed, though it sounded a little bitter even to her own ears. “But he ignored me when I needed him. And that pity kiss—like he thought that’s what I wanted. Like he’d just throw me a bone and I’d come running.” She shook her head, pushing down the sting that still lingered. “So maybe we’re just not meant to be.”

Rafe’s gaze softened, and he shifted closer. “Sounds like he’s an idiot, if he doesn’t see what he has right in front of him.”

She looked up at him, her chest tightening. “And you? Was the kiss… real?”

Rafe didn’t answer right away, but he reached over and gently touched her hand. “Y/N, that kiss wasn’t some act. Trust me. I—” He paused, his voice softer. “I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t really mean it.”

Y/N felt a warmth spread through her at his words, remembering how sincere he’d been, even down to that careful way he’d brushed his lips over her bruise. She looked away, half-smiling to herself. “I believe you,” she whispered.

The air lightened a bit, and Rafe let out a low chuckle. “You know, I never expected to like you like this. But I think I kind of did from the start.”

“Oh, really?” she said, her tone brightening. “So when was that?”

Rafe grinned, rubbing the back of his neck. “Probably that first time you called me out for being an ass on the boat. Thought it was hilarious. No one ever does that to me.”

Y/N laughed, nudging him lightly. “Guess I’ve always been good at keeping you in check.”

“Yeah,” Rafe replied, his voice warm. “And I’m kind of glad you do.”

They shared a look, the humor and lightness of the moment lingering between them. The rooftop suddenly felt even cozier, like it was just their world up there.

“You know,” Y/N said after a moment, her voice a little quieter, “I think the first time I met you... was when I spilled that drink on you. You remember that?” She looked over at Rafe, her lips curving into a small smile.

Rafe’s eyes widened slightly, and he let out a surprised chuckle. “Oh god. How could I forget? I thought you were gonna get fired that night.”

Y/N laughed, the memory flooding back. “I was so nervous. It was only my second shift ever. You were sitting there with your family, and I totally ruined your suit. I thought I was gonna die.”

Rafe smirked, his eyes softening. “You spilled the drink, sure. But you didn’t make it worse. You just... apologized and kept your head down. Unlike Rose, who wanted to chew you out right there.” He shook his head with a little grin. “I think I might’ve made that worse than it needed to be.”

She chuckled, remembering how he had been so calm, even though Rose had been ready to rip her apart. “Yeah, I thought you were gonna jump in and make it worse, but you didn’t. You were just kind of... kind. Even if you didn’t show it, you were. And honestly, I didn’t expect that from you.”

Rafe shrugged, a little sheepish. “Guess I wasn’t as big of a jerk back then as I acted.”

“You definitely weren’t,” Y/N agreed, the corner of her mouth curving into a soft smile. “And look where we are now.”

Rafe grinned, nudging her lightly. “Yeah. Look at us.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence, the night air cool around them. They stayed there, gazing out over the town, a shared understanding between them that didn’t need to be said aloud. They had come a long way from the awkward moments of the past, and maybe, just maybe, they were on the right path now.

—

The night was still young when Y/N and Rafe decided to head back to Tannyhill. The adrenaline from their rooftop race and the fun they’d had together hung in the air, but as they got back into the car, a quieter mood settled over them. The drive was peaceful, the streets empty as they cruised along the winding roads.

Rafe kept his hand on the wheel, but his eyes occasionally flicked toward Y/N, his expression soft, contemplative. Y/N, for her part, stared out the window, her thoughts a little more scattered now. The night had been perfect, but something about being with Rafe felt different—more real, more grounded. “We have the house to ourselves tonight” he said, breaking the stillness. “Wheezie’s visiting some friends, and my dad and Rose are on a business trip in Charleston.” His voice was casual, but there was something else beneath it—an unspoken relief. “Sarah’s been doing her own thing for a bit.”

Rafe pulled the car into the long driveway, the gravel crunching under the tires as he stopped just in front of the large front steps. He turned the engine off, his gaze lingering on the house. “This place is... I dunno, kinda creepy when it’s just me here,” he said, half to himself, half to Y/N.

Y/N raised an eyebrow as she leaned back in her seat, looking up at the darkened windows. “It’s huge. Feels like it could be a haunted mansion or something.”

Rafe chuckled, his expression softening a little as he glanced over at her. “Yeah, sometimes it feels like it’s too much space for one person. Especially with my parents gone.”

Y/N nodded. She could sense the unspoken relief in his voice—the way he appreciated the absence of his family, even if it meant being alone in a house as massive as Tannyhill. There was a kind of freedom in it that she understood.

“So,” she said, her voice playful but a little teasing, “what do we do now? I’m guessing you didn’t bring me here to just stare at the mansion.”

Rafe smirked, unlocking the car doors. “Nah. But I did bring you here to... well, maybe get into a little bit of trouble.”

He stepped out of the car first, stretching as the night air wrapped around them. Y/N followed suit, feeling the coolness of the breeze against her damp skin. The walk to the front door was easy, the sound of their footsteps drowned out by the distant chirping of crickets.

As they reached the front steps, Rafe turned and glanced down at her, the expression on his face one of both excitement and mischief. “You ready to get into trouble?”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her heart picking up the slightest beat. “Define trouble.”

“Something that involves a little chaos. No rules, just... whatever feels right.”

Y/N smiled, her eyes glinting with an energy she hadn’t felt in a while. “That sounds dangerous. But okay. Lead the way.”

Rafe’s grin widened as he pulled open the front door, the old wood creaking slightly. The house smelled faintly of dust and rich leather, the air thick with history. Tannyhill had always felt too grand, too intimidating, but tonight, with the house all to themselves, it felt like the world had shrunk down to just them.

They wandered inside, Rafe casually leading her through the large, open living area. It was grandiose, with high ceilings and dark wood furniture that looked like it had been handed down for generations. The place was beautiful, but it was also still—no loud conversations from his parents, no footsteps on the stairs. For once, it felt like it could just be a place to breathe.

“You know,” Y/N began as they walked through the kitchen, glancing over at Rafe, “I never expected to end up here. It’s so... different from the stuff I’m used to.”

Rafe shrugged, leaning against the counter casually. “Yeah, I get it. It’s a lot. I mean, I can’t exactly blame you. You’re used to... well, not this. Not the country club life.”

Y/N smiled wryly. “I’m not complaining. Just... never really thought about how different we are. You know?”

Rafe’s eyes softened, and he nodded. “Yeah. I guess we’ve both got our own worlds. But tonight, we get to make our own, right?”

The house smelled faintly of wood and incense, the warmth of the fireplace in the living room flickering softly. Rafe led her over to a large, plush couch, and they both sat down, not too close but not far apart either. The space between them felt comfortable now, like it had been there all along.

“I’ve never really had anyone over here much,” Rafe admitted, breaking the silence again. “It’s... different, I guess. But I’m glad you’re here.”

Y/N tilted her head slightly, glancing at him. “I’m glad I’m here too. I think... I think we both needed tonight.”

Rafe’s eyes met hers, and for a second, there was something in his gaze that was almost too intimate—like he was seeing her in a way he hadn’t before. It made her heart beat a little faster, and she shifted slightly on the couch, unsure of how to navigate the sudden shift.

He seemed to catch on to her discomfort, though, and smiled reassuringly. “You don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to. I just—” He paused for a moment. “I don’t know. I feel like I can be myself around you.”

Y/N blinked, surprised by his vulnerability. “I can say the same thing.”

A small, soft chuckle left Rafe’s lips as he leaned back, running a hand through his hair. “I guess I’m not used to this... Just being around someone who gets it.”

Y/N turned toward him, a little more serious now. “What do you mean?”

He took a deep breath, clearly thinking carefully about his words. “Like... I’m always trying to live up to expectations, you know? My family, my dad, all that. It’s hard to be around people who want me to be something I’m not.” He let out a sigh, eyes distant for a moment, as if lost in thought. “But you... you don’t judge. You’re not trying to get something out of me. I can just... be.”

Y/N didn’t respond immediately. She could sense the weight of what he was saying, the struggle to balance the person he was expected to be with the person he truly was. It was something she could relate to in her own way, even if their circumstances were different.

“I get it,” she said quietly, her voice soft but firm. “I know what it’s like to feel like you have to fit a certain mold. It’s exhausting, isn’t it?”

Rafe nodded, his eyes darkening with a quiet intensity. “Yeah, it is. And I’m scared of what happens when I stop trying. When I just let go and let myself... be who I really am. You know?”

Y/N looked down at her hands, thinking about her own fears—the pressures to fit in with the Kooks, the constant tension between who she was expected to be and who she really was. But there was something different about being with Rafe. In that moment, she realized that maybe, just maybe, they didn’t need to have everything figured out.

“You don’t have to have it all figured out, Rafe,” she said softly, her voice steady. “You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be you.”

Rafe turned to her, his gaze searching hers, as if looking for some kind of reassurance. And in that moment, she felt a connection between them—one that was real, unspoken, and deeply understood.

He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just sat there with her, the weight of their conversation hanging in the air. But there was something comforting in the silence now. They didn’t need to rush to fill it. They didn’t need to say anything more.

Eventually, Rafe reached out, his hand lightly brushing hers. The touch was subtle, but it felt significant. It was a quiet acknowledgment, an understanding that they were both in this—whatever it was—together. Neither of them spoke as they sat side by side, the night stretching on and the world outside Tannyhill feeling a million miles away.

The stillness between them lingered, heavy but comfortable. Rafe’s fingers brushed lightly against Y/N’s again, a delicate, almost uncertain gesture, but one that carried the weight of something unspoken. It was as if the tension of the night—the race, the quiet drive, the conversation—had all led them to this point. There was an undeniable magnetism, an attraction they both felt but hadn't fully allowed themselves to acknowledge before.

Y/N looked at him, her breath catching as their eyes met. The space between them felt smaller now, their proximity intimate, and the air in the room seemed to thrum with anticipation. Her heart was beating faster than she could control, and though she wasn’t quite sure what was happening, she felt an overwhelming urge to close the distance between them.

Rafe’s hand moved slightly, his fingers ghosting over hers, as if testing the waters. It was a simple touch, but the connection between them felt anything but simple. He leaned in, his breath brushing against her cheek, the scent of him—woodsy, warm, and faintly like the ocean—filling her senses.

“You know,” Rafe’s voice was quiet, but the warmth in it was undeniable, “I’ve been thinking about this moment... the whole night, actually.”

Y/N’s breath hitched, her pulse racing as she tilted her head to meet his gaze. “What moment?”

“The one where I finally get to kiss you,” he murmured, his voice low, barely a whisper, but carrying all the weight of his unspoken feelings.

Her heart skipped a beat, and before she could think about it any further, she found herself leaning in, closing the space between them. Rafe didn’t hesitate; his lips met hers, tentative at first, as if he were testing the waters, but soon the kiss deepened, the urgency of their feelings taking over.

It wasn’t hurried, but there was a sense of exploration, a hunger that had been building between them all night. The kiss was soft, tentative at first, but then it grew, both of them giving into the quiet intensity of the moment. Rafe’s hand moved to cup her face, the warmth of his palm sending a shiver down her spine. Y/N responded in kind, her hands finding his chest, feeling the thrum of his heartbeat beneath her fingertips.

It was electric. It was a release. It was everything they had been holding back, finally spilling over.

But just as things started to feel like they were heading to something deeper, something more, a sudden, loud bang echoed through the house. The sound shattered the moment, pulling them apart with a jolt.

Both of them froze, their breathing heavy as they turned toward the source of the noise. Rafe’s expression shifted from confusion to recognition as he muttered, “What the hell was that?”

Y/N’s heart still raced, her thoughts scattered as she tried to make sense of the interruption. “Was that...”

“Yeah,” Rafe said, cutting her off, his voice low and filled with surprise. He quickly stood up from the couch, moving toward the hallway with Y/N following behind him.

Another loud noise followed—the unmistakable sound of a door creaking open, followed by muffled voices that made Rafe’s eyes narrow in disbelief.

“I thought you said no one was here,” Y/N whispered, still reeling from the sudden interruption, her body tense from the unexpected break in the moment.

“I swear to god, no one was supposed to be here,” Rafe muttered, his tone sharp as he moved stealthily toward the back of the house.

Rafe motioned for Y/N to follow, and the two of them crept down the hallway, careful not to make a sound. The house was still, but there was something in the air now—something off. Y/N could feel it in the pit of her stomach.

They reached the dim light of the hallway and froze. Two figures appeared in the doorway. John B. and Sarah.

Y/N didn’t even blink—her eyes just locked on them, her thoughts grinding to a halt. It took a moment for her to register what she was seeing.

Sarah noticed Rafe at the same time, her face turning pale. She threw her hands up like she was surrendering. “THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!!!” she blurted, her voice higher than normal, a little shaky.

John B., standing beside her, glanced from Sarah to Rafe, and a smug little smirk crept across his face. “It kinda is, though.”

Rafe shot forward, staring at Sarah with disbelief. “This is my sister, dude!” he exclaimed, his voice tight with frustration.

At the same moment, John B. realized there was someone else peeking into the hall. Turning his gaze to Y/N, his eyebrows raised in shock. “Wait, hold on—how do you two know each other? And why the hell are you here, alone, in Rafe’s house at three in the morning?”

Y/N stammered for a second, her brain still scrambling. She opened her mouth and then quickly closed it again. “Uh, we... um...” She threw her hands up in defeat. “We were... um... studying?”

John B. gave her a long, deadpan look. “You don’t even go to the same school. And it's summer. Seriously, try again.”

Y/N shrunk a little, eyes darting from John B. to Sarah to Rafe. “I... we... uh...” She was out of ideas. “I don’t know. We were, like, talking. You know?”

Rafe was still staring at John B., arms crossed tightly across his chest. “What about you two?” He glanced from John B. to Sarah. “You guys think you can sneak around the house and pretend this is casual?”

John B. laughed, but there was a hard edge to it. “You’re really going to call me out? What, you think you’re the only one with secrets?”

Sarah shifted on her feet, arms crossed, glancing between the boys, before speaking up. “Look, we didn’t plan for this to happen, okay? But it did. And... yeah, it’s a little weird, but it’s not like we’re doing anything wrong.”

Rafe glared at John B., who was now glaring back, but the tension was clearly rising. Y/N glanced between them, feeling the absurdity of the situation hit her all at once. There was no way they could keep this quiet for much longer.

A long pause hung in the air before Rafe broke the silence. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, I guess.”

John B. let out a sharp exhale, rubbing his face. “Yeah, fine. Two wrongs, whatever.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, her smile sneaking through the confusion. “So, I guess we’re all in this... secret club now?”

Sarah snorted, glancing at John B. “Yeah, the In-Law Gang or something.”

John B. shot her a look. “What, you think that sounds cool?”

“Better than ‘The I’m Dating Someone in This House Club,’” Sarah quipped.

Y/N couldn’t help it. “Honestly, ‘In-Laws Anonymous’ has a nice ring to it,” she added, grinning.

Rafe rubbed his face, trying to look annoyed but clearly fighting a smile. “This is ridiculous. I didn’t sign up for this when I agreed to let you all sneak around”

John B. threw his hands up, clearly enjoying the chaos. “It’s official then. We’re the In-Law Gang. We meet every third Thursday, unless someone gets caught trying to sneak out at 3 AM.”

Y/N let out a laugh, shaking her head. “This is way too much for me.”

Sarah leaned in, a teasing smile on her face. “Don’t worry, you’re stuck with us now.”

Rafe shook his head, an exasperated but amused smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “This is the weirdest damn night ever.”

The tension faded, replaced by an awkward silence that, somehow, ended with all four of them laughing, the ridiculousness of it all sinking in.

—-

A/N :

So... do we think the in law gang are 4 liferz or is going to blow up in their faces? Drop a comment or send me an ask if you’ve got thoughts, questions, or wild predictions. I love hearing all of your thoughts and am curious to know what you think about the chapter!

—

Next time: secrets and pogues

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Taglist:

@hockeybabe87 , @idiotussupremus , @certifiedhaters , @oatmealisweird, @sluggmuffin , @maybankslover , @ren-ni, @wh0reforbucknasty , @enjoymyloves , @bilssturns

#obx4 #obx #outer banks rafe #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe outer banks #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x y/n #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jj x reader

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sunfyrisms · 2 days ago

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it’s genuinely so sad seeing some people blaming vi for cait leaving her, because it’s exactly what people did with the whole powder situation.

vi was a child when she saw the brutal, horrific end of her brothers and fathers. she was a child, she was hurt, physically and mentally, she lashed out at powder. it is clearly a mistake that she regretted. she looked at her bloodied fist in horror, started crying when she looks at powder, and she left to collect herself. because she was the only one powder has left, and powder was the only one she has left. vander’s last words to her were instructing her to take care of powder. she needed a moment, just a moment, to grieve. but the moment she saw powder is in danger? she immediately got up. she was ready for another fight. she was ready to protect her sister, without hesitation, even after fighting and losing the rest of their family before her very eyes.

i think a lot of people take jinx’s words as an immediate, inherit truth. “you created jinx.” perhaps it’s because jinx herself is the one who said it. but i don’t think vi did that. vi was in prison, as a child, surrounded by violence. constantly beaten, constantly hungry, but she never once forgot about powder. not a day, not an hour, went by that she didn’t think about her little sister. the first thing she does upon getting out of prison is immediately try to find powder. powder may have been traumatized by that fateful night, rightfully so, vi was too, but i don’t think vi created jinx. silco was the one who created jinx. he manipulated her, worsened her mental state, the whole nine yards. i’m not here to discuss whether he loved her because that’s ultimately not what this post is about. what i’m saying is that vi didn’t create jinx, but she blames herself for it anyway. she blames herself for abandoning powder, for not being able to protect her, for her roughness.

it’s so painstakingly obvious she isn’t willing to do that again. she isn’t willing to hurt those she loves. as a result, she’s so soft, so gentle, with caitlyn. she wipes away her tears, holds her, and genuinely sympathizes with her loss. she is able to be there for caitlyn because she has lost people time and time again. she joins caitlyn’s elite force to compensate for her actions (because, again, she openly states she believes she created the monster that is jinx). she becomes the thing she hated most to attempt to right her wrongs, but she still has her morals, she’s growing increasingly uncomfortable with caitlyn’s increasingly violent and cold deposition.

vi is scared of what caitlyn is becoming. she is openly scared of caitlyn, of how unrecognizable her rage and grief is making her. she doesn’t call out caitlyn’s rapidly growing hatred and dehumanization of her own people, not at first. but she’s scared. she’s scared what’s happening to the woman who was shown the reality of what her people face, what’s happening to the woman who genuinely wanted to make a difference, the woman who is ultimately kind as she is naive, the woman who gave away her only means of protection to save vi.

after their battle against jinx and sevika, she voices her concerns. she openly asks caitlyn what’s wrong with her. when she says caitlyn is acting like jinx, she isn’t being cruel. she’s trying to bring caitlyn back to reality. she’s saying “you’re losing yourself and it’s scaring me”. she grabs caitlyn’s arm, but, remembering that she hurt powder, what resulted from that, she immediately loosens her grip, positions her hand so she’s gently holding caitlyn’s wrist. she’s not willing to hurt caitlyn. she wants a productive conversation, she wants to understand, she wants to communicate, she wants caitlyn to understand that she’s becoming something dangerous, and she will do something she will regret.

caitlyn is triggered by vi’s words. she likely, at least subconsciously, resents and blames vi for her mother’s death. vi pleaded with caitlyn not to kill jinx, and caitlyn hesitated, and that resulted in the death of her mother. to be clear, i don’t blame vi for cassandra’s death, because she legitimately had nothing to do with it. but i think caitlyn blames her. she blames her for stopping her a second time, and takes vi’s statement as a direct comparison to her and her mother’s killer. on a surface level, it might have been, but i think it was a warning. it was a warning to caitlyn that her grief and rage were blinding her and she was betraying the morals she held so closely in season one. she’s actively becoming unrecognizable to vi like how jinx is unrecognizable to her, and she doesn’t want that. she doesn’t want caitlyn to lose herself.

in the end, that softness, it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter that she tried so hard to go about it differently, to be gentle rather than strong. because caitlyn strikes her in the same place she healed her wounds. caitlyn strikes her with her weapon, looks at her with such obvious contempt and disdain, just like the enforcers she’s encountered her entire life, and vi knows she’s lost her, just like she’s lost everyone. caitlyn is unrecognizable, blinded by her hatred, and vi is alone. she’s left alone after the woman who promised to not change changes so deeply and so badly.

i think that’s the tragedy of vi. she learns from her mistakes, she tries to be gentle, she carries the grief of everyone she loves, and she loves very deeply. however, she can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. she can’t stop people she loves from becoming their worst selves.

#arcane #arcane s2 #vi #caitlyn kiramman #cassandra kiramman #jinx #silco #astra.txt #she and ekko and mel and jayce and ambessa are my favorites oh my god #it’s just. she is an inherently tragic character who loves so so deeply #she tries to be gentle and she’s given a massive fuck you from the universe #i luv her #very much.#jinx needs to realize she’s not a jinx and that she and powder are one and the same and she isn’t doomed #vi needs to realize that sometimes people just change and sometimes you can’t do anything about it #but it isn’t her fault

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validfemale · 2 days ago

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how to: overcome the need for validation in manifesting.ᐟ ⊹₊⟡⋆

alright, doll, this one’s for you because let’s be real—needing outside validation is the biggest block when it comes to manifesting your dreams. maybe you’re feeling like you need the universe to give you a little “thumbs up” before you fully believe in what you’re creating.

here’s the thing: when you’re manifesting, it’s about deciding it’s true and living from that decision. not hoping, not wishing—deciding. once you decide, it’s true because you said so, and that’s the only validation you’ll ever need. period.

❤︎ ︎ — stop looking for proof.

if you’re still feeling like you need outside signs to back up your desires, your job right now is to declare your desires as fact without searching for evidence. searching for proof is you telling the world, “i’m not in control, i need validation.” no, babe—you are the one in control. the second you stop looking around for proof and start claiming what’s yours, that’s when things begin to shift.

❤︎︎ — you are the creator.

the game changes once you realize who you really are: the creator of your reality. nothing—and i mean nothing—can show up in your world unless you assume it will. your world? it’s a mirror, just a reflection of your beliefs, your assumptions, your expectations. if there’s something you’re not vibing with, that’s just a nudge to shift your inner story. this is why people can have totally different experiences in the same situation—it all comes down to what each person believes is true for them.

❤︎︎ — prove it to yourself.

building trust with yourself is a process. start with something small—manifest a random colored car, an unusual name, something you don’t care too much about. when you start to see these things pop up? that’s your proof. those things only appeared because you focused on them and gave them permission to exist in your world. it’s all about showing yourself that you’re the one with the power.

❤︎︎ — upgrade your self-concept.

your self-concept? that’s the backbone of it all. remind yourself daily that you are the creator here. when you fully step into that role, everything falls into place. the outside world doesn’t exist to validate you; in fact, it’s waiting for you to validate it. understand this, and the need for outside proof disappears because you’ll see the world as your personal “simon says.” you say it, and the world responds.

❤︎︎ — you are the proof.

think of the world as a mirror, a perfect copy-paste of whatever you decide is true. there’s no more waiting on the universe to confirm things for you because, doll, you’re the one giving the orders. when you choose an experience, it has no choice but to unfold exactly how you chose it. forget needing outside validation—you are the source. repeat after me: i don’t need proof. i am the proof.

get ready, because once you own this, life’s about to hand you everything you’ve been asking for. you’re choosing your reality—watch it bend and fold around you like the masterpiece it is. ��

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justchillandshipit · 3 days ago

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More thoughts:

I linked a post below that has me thinking about Tommy's actions & Eddie's place in the narrative. In retrospect, I 100% believe Tommy knows and understands that Eddie is likely going to be Buck's last. (as much as anybody can know this sort of thing.) I know Tim and Oliver said Eddie had nothing to do with the obstacles in Buck's relationship, but I think that was a partial truth on their part. Technically, Buck does spiral because of Abby and #stagefoureddiediaz has talked about the way Buck is still stuck on the hamster wheel. I think both of these things are part of the obstacles mentioned in one of Oliver's interviews. However, if you look only at those things, you overlook the Pink Eddie in the room. While I agree that Eddie didn't interfere or try to stop Buck & Tommy from being together, his friendship with Buck has remained a constant. (see the link at the very bottom for more about Eddie in the narrative.) If you check out Buddielifer's post, several good points demonstrate the breakup was about Eddie. I'll try to avoid repeating what was said there as I explain. My opinion does differ on a few small points, but I'll get to that later.

Ok. I'm going to talk about Tommy a little but stick with me. This is a Buddie post. I promise, and I do have a point. I do believe Buck was attracted to Tommy, not because he had some great destiny to be the love of Buck's life, but because he did a few really cool things while helping to save Bobby & Athena's lives. Plus, Tommy did it in the coolest way possible. Helicopter pilots are cool, or they would be if they weren't dating one-half of your favorite ship. lol. Before the kiss, Buck wasn't self-aware enough to fully engage with his sexuality, I suspect that he handled his attraction to Tommy the way he handled it with other men before we knew him as a firefighter.

As we saw in a flashback, when Buck met a man he felt attracted to, he processed those feelings by befriending him. It was the same with Tommy. That is why he was at the hangar that day. When he offered to buy Tommy a beer, I truly think Buck thought he was making a new friend. If you think about it, you can see this was a pattern for Buck. He did have a meltdown over Eddie when they first met (but with Eddie, bigger things were and are still in play) It doesn't change the fact that once Buck got past his initial jealousy or whatever that was, he threw himself all in with Eddie. It was part of his pattern and part of #stagefour's hamster wheel. (Endgame will have Buck get off the wheel and look around. The person standing there was never part of the wheel, but the person waiting for him to stop and get off of it.)

The situation with Tommy is probably closer to how Buck reacted to his friend who wanted Buck as a sperm donor. Buck actually followed that 'friend' to Peru. I have a post from a while back where I discuss Buck sending mixed signals. In his mind, he is making a friend, but he is also unconsciously flirting. Tommy was the first to push through and just kiss Buck. I don't think this was nefarious so much as an attempt to interpret the signals Buck was sending. (I'm sure many see Tommy as having bad intentions but stick with me. I'm trying to put him into the context where Tim claimed he wanted him to be seen. Tommy was supposed to be a mentor or a more experienced man helping Buck navigate this side of himself.) As a teacher, Tommy did help him navigate, but he also let Buck set the pace. Although never shown, we know Buck is a very sexual being, and the deleted scene with Tommy, Hen, and Karen confirmed that Tommy was just trying to keep up with him.

But I digress. Buck's intention to befriend Tommy ended the exact moment that Eddie showed up at the hangar with a huge smile on his face. Stoic Eddie who does not show his emotions was smiling hugely. Even though this is from Buck's perspective and he is an unreliable narrator, it is plausible to me that Eddie would be excited to go to a live fight in Vegas. Oliver and Tim have talked a lot over the past few weeks about how Buck spirals. When Eddie left with Tommy, Buck began to spiral in a way that we have never seen before or since. He was absolutely unhinged with jealousy. There is no way that Buck, who didn't even ask about Tommy's dating history until six months into the relationship, was that insane to get the attention of a man he has known for a few days or weeks. Now that we are pulling in new material from the current season, it isn't even remotely believable that Buck's reaction was about Tommy.

If Buck had experienced some sort of love-at-first-sight moment with Tommy, then he would have asked Tommy about his past at the beginning of the relationship. In fact, people entering into something serious generally ask about past partners in the first few weeks of getting to know each other or before sex. The fact that Buck didn't, is a change in pattern for him. Buck typically throws himself all in and then when things go wrong, he doesn't know how he got there. (Also part of the hamster wheel.) However, I attribute the difference this time to the fact that, subconsciously, Buck knows what he's feeling. He can use his body. (borderline sex addict). However, he can't bring himself to share with Tommy what he already shares with Eddie, but you know our unaware cowboy can't see it yet.

At the hangar, Tommy didn't have a feel for Buck yet. However, by the end of the Vegas trip, I think he had picked up a good idea from Eddie that there was something there. (not because Eddie has made some sort of confession, but because I'm confident that Eddie talked about Buck nonstop. I'm hoping that we get some sort of confirmation of this in the current season. I don't want it to be forgotten.) At any rate, whatever conclusions Tommy drew from his time in Vegas with Eddie and the time they spent hanging out afterward didn't bother him enough to refuse to date Buck. I do think Tommy was longing for the family and support he could see Buck has with the 118, but I don't think he was ever planning a wedding in his head. In fact, I know he wasn't. That's part of why he broke up with Buck.

Sidenote: (Thanks to StageFourEddieDiaz, for pointing out how Buck failed to understand the mission from Josh's speech because this is what caused Buck to shift from not letting Tommy get too close to asking Tommy to move in with him.) Until the conversation with Josh, Buck was actively shutting Tommy out of anything other than sex and possibly learning the ins and outs of the LGBTQ community.

Again, in the beginning, this didn't bother Tommy. He knew what Buck needed, and as he stated a few times during the sixth episode, Buck was hot and fun. If you need examples of Buck shutting Tommy out, I point you to anything that happened in the Halloween episode. I'm not saying Buck didn't care about Tommy at all, but he was holding back. The look on Buck's face as Josh asked about his feelings really said it all. I think this is probably why Josh was a little shy of the mark when giving his speech about comphet. Josh had to give a long list of, "Do you feel "this or that" for your boyfriend of six months," before he finally hit on something that Buck did feel. I don't want to get off topic or repeat too much from the linked post, I just wanted to illustrate that the jealousy from Buck's coming out episode was 100% for Eddie and that it was something that Tommy realized before entering the relationship.

I know there will be some disagreement here, but I also feel like Tommy's feelings for Buck actually were on the verge of changing, and he hadn't expected that. When they were standing at the grave, Buck gave his eulogy directed to Billy Boils. Tommy's face went through a series of changes. First, he seemed annoyed or concerned. I couldn't quite tell, but the more Buck talked, the more you could see of our Buck. The guy with a huge heart who can empathize with the skeletal remains of a criminal. I'll link the clip for you to judge. What Buck had to say to Billy was more open and revealed more about Buck's character than anything he had been saying to Tommy over the past six months. It was a small scene, but one that probably came back to Tommy when Buck suggested moving in together.

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It was scenes like this one combined with Tommy's exclusion from group chat, etc., that probably helped to remind him that Buck's feelings six months ago were not about him and nothing had changed despite Buck's suggestion that he move in. Tommy's insecurities took over and reminded him what the inevitable end was going to be for them. He was the first not the last.

For the past six months, he's known that Eddie was between them, but you could see how comfortable he was with it. He didn't seem annoyed by Eddie's presence at all. I disagree with either Tim or Oliver when they try to play up that Tommy was Eddie's friend and this was natural. Eddie and Buck met Tommy at the same time, and Tommy was trying to shoot his shot by taking Eddie to Vegas. I don't know what was discussed between Eddie & Tommy during those few weeks where Buck was being left out, but it is clear that whatever conclusion he had drawn from the Vegas trip had been solidified by what happened on the basketball court, so much so that he wanted to apologize to Buck in person. We all know how that went, and I still think that was a good scene.

This brings me to the breakup scene itself. In the end, when Tommy talks about how he didn't see it coming. I don't think he was referring to the breakup. I think he was referring to the feelings he caught close to the end. He thought he would help Buck, provide a safe space for Buck to explore that he personally didn't have, and have some fun with a hot young thing, but he let it go too far. (His reasons are pretty much part of what Tim has said in interviews.) I don't think Tommy realized how much he had gotten caught up in the fantasy of Buck until Buck asked him to move in with him. I do think he's sincere when he says his heart would end up broken because, despite his feelings, he still understands there is something between Buck and Eddie even if they don't.

(One side note. I agree with Buck that first and last can be the same thing. I don't buy into the belief that you have to be with dozens of sexual partners, but I also don't think that would have been the case with Buck. He is a sexual character, and he's openly curious. I know people were mad about the interview where Oliver talked about letting Buck F#ck, but I think that would be in character for an upset Buck who was just dumped. It is less about his sexuality than it is about his abandonment issues and neglect trauma. That's my take anyway. We'll see what Tim does with it. I do think the part of Buck that craves monogamy already belongs to someone else, and the di was cast before Tommy came into his life, and we are back again to the hamster wheel.)

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If you stuck with me this long, thank you. I know there are few, if any, fans of Tommy around here so I appreciate that you were willing to objectively view him the way Tim kept trying to present him. I'm tired and I'm pretty sure I rambled a couple of times, but I do understand Tommy is a problematic character. I consider that to be a writing issue that never got a satisfying resolution. I'm equally aware some people hate him simply because he was with Buck. I'm not doing a lot of judging these days because I already know how unreasonable I'm going to be over Eddie being with another man. After seven seasons of subtext, they are already in love. These other relationships are like cheating. lol I'm not so secretly hoping that if Eddie needed a "first" he got it when he was a teenager or when he was in Afghanistan.

I can tell I'm going to be bad because when I see posts about Eddie sleeping with a priest, I want to scream into a pillow and pretend that I'm flipping over furniture and tossing chairs across the room. I just can't be reasonable. I would never attack the actors or writers though. That's not me. My jealousy is on Buck's behalf, and my bad behavior remains entirely inside my head. I don't know what they'll do with Eddie, but they are going to need a chat group to make sure Eddie's boyfriends do not meet with Buck's subconscious mind.

Click here to see the meta on Eddie Haunting the Narrative from #buddielifers.

#911 abc #buddie #ryan guzman #oliver stark #buck buckley #eddie diaz #911 spoilers #speculation really #Youtube

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